diary of a manic obsessive.


life, luv, & the pursuit of blogginess

ya... you guessed it... it's probably going to be another downer from Spanky*...
i'm not sure yet, though. Right now, i'm just look'n at the blank box, waiting for my words, while my heart is rattling & my head, slightly spinning.
[but that might be because i'm still hungover from last nights bad choice fest starting off in Italy for vino, china for food, mexico for tequila & then, the dumbest thing of all, Jeruselum for a final kick in the ass, a Three Wise Men shot. why do i hate me so much?]
There are a few things that i have been meaning to talk about, but every time i click that "New Post" link, i lose the will to write about them. it's not that things have been bad, per-say, it's just that they haven't been great.

For the sake of time [there's only so much i can write in a half a lunch break], interest [there's only so much that you can possibly care to hear about my crap!], & my own sanity [it's never good to dwell... i hear...], i'll try to keep this minimal. only the necessary facts. short, sweet, simple, to the point.... o man, i'm already dragging on...

i've been plagued by an unfortunate happening.
without getting into too many details, basically, i was affected by someone else's mistake, & now i'm literally paying for it. It's put a major speed bump, once again, in my steps toward a happy & productive life. basically, i'm $300 down, & feeling like my little pawn has been sent back to start [SORRY!]... i'm hoping to get everything worked out as soon as possible, but it just always feels like there's something in the way. I cross one thing off my to-do list, but, in the same breath, have to add 5 things to the bottom of it.

i need to know what to do, where to go, how far i can take this thing & basically, i guess i need my ego fed, my head inflated & a solid pat on the back to know everything is going to be ok.
how co-dependant am i?! wow.
it's true though. i feel like i hear some wonderful feedback from a few people, but i'm not sure about the rest of anyone. is there anyone else out there reading this?
Can you say hi, so i know?
say hi so i can stop being a droopy loser, perk up & keep on truck'n, err.... typing. whatever.
[to those of you that are always commenting, always e-mailing, showering me with unbelivably gracious compliments & luvs.... you're my heart, my drive, my rock, a million thank yous to all of you. you are how i know i'm not talking to a virtual wall]

I'm not religious, i can't even spell "religious" without really thinking about it, & usually having to try again. I gave up something last year & treated it as a challenge. I don't know if that's like anti-faith, or whatever, but i figured it was a good enough reason to give something up.
Last year, i gave up fried foods & after 40 (46 actually, according to Western practice, which i think is weird) of craaaaaving french fries, i had one & it was... good... but i didn't NEED it.
I'm beyond thankful that i chose to challenge myself that way. It was the kickstart to one of the best things i've ever done, in my life. Now, almost a year later, i've lost a lot of weight, i feel fantastic, & i no longer eat massive quantities of crap food. [more on this in a later post. Feb 25 will be my one year since i started dieting.]
This year, i'm taking the same challenge, but instead of attempting to improve my physical state, i'm attempting to improve two other factors.
my lent goals:
give up cheese. [maybe, we'll see how it goes. one day at a time.]
give up on unnecessary spending. [really thinking about want/need ratio before making a purchase. do i NEED the $100 Red Suede SCHANNO pump with metal appliqué from Aldo, or do i WANT them? - want. do i NEED the $40 Artist Jeans in Medium Destroyed Wash from American Eagle, that i have a 10% off coupon for & that would be a solution to the problem that i don't have one pair of jeans that fit me, or do i WANT them? - need!]
give up on stressing over dumb boys. [i'm so sick of meeting a guy & then thinking about him constantly, wondering if he's going to call, wondering if i should call, thinking about what to text, wanting to see him, never hearing from him, meeting another guy & starting over. NO MORE! fuck it. from now on, i'm the playa, god dammit! these dumb ducks can come to ME! ha]
which brings me to...
my next post....
about, what else... 
a new duck...
luvs it*


  1. jajaja you player you!!!

    I also need to top buying shoes!!!! OMG I can't stop is almost ruining my life!! :(

  2. I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! I am sorry that you dont get more feedback I really dont see why, your blog is amazing, I love it, and I am sorry you are still feeling in -between not too bad not to great lol, I have been like that recently as well. I also give up stuff for lent, I was trying to decide on what to do this year other years I have done coke, or choclate but I wanted it to be more. I was upset I missed ash wednesday, I am pretty catholic after all...:). Like always I hope that you feel better soon, and see how really wonderful you are with or without feedback ( though I understand your need for it, I need it too and there are times I feel down because I feel no one likes my blog or like I dont write 'ccol" enough things but then I realize I started that blog for myself to begin with so I just take a breath and let it go lol).....Anyway, I am writing a lot now but yeah botom line..Good that you are giving something up for lent...You are amazing as well as your blog..and I luvs* you !! :)

  3. If you want me to kill some of those fools, I could become a duck hunter for you?

  4. i like your blog. it´s great! i follow you honey, i hope you follow me tooo? kiss from germany ;*)

  5. I just adore your blog--I really do fellow blondie!! I for one, will be here to comment for sure!
    I found you from the 2OSB blonde group and am your newest follower. Come by and follow back if you would like! Juliana from A Blonde Walks Into A Blog


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