last years goals, book worm exchange, & a few other things

The names have been drawn for the 2010 (which i now realize should have been called 2011) blogger book worm 'ganza gift exchange.
if you're signed up for the exchange, please make sure to go & check your draw!

last year, JenBunny posted a bunch of other bloggers goals on her blog. She posted mine, too!
here they are:

1. allow myself time to expand on my skills & creativity
2. live a cleaner life & purge all the clutter
3. maintain my weight
4. be presentable (stop looking like a slob)
5. take my blog to another level

i went back & took a look to see if i held up my word to myself.
at first look, i was surprised that i had been so.... vague? but, thinking about it, i think that i did... most?

1. i have def expanded my skills & creativity. this year i realized that i have many other creative skills than i thought. my etsy shop, twitterpated pretty went from being a "sometimes" hobby, to an everyday obsession that pulled in some pretty good cash!

2. Since i moved from CT to CA, i had to pack all my things into my car, sooo... i'd DEF say that i purged the initial clutter... but... i seem to have a really bad habit of accumulating more. I will make a point to continue with this goal & make sure my new home doesn't end up as cluttered as my old room did. [this will def mean i have to do some "spring" cleaning already!]

3. This one i'll give myself a pat on the back for. This time last year i had dropped about 30lbs from my start weight & was getting closer to my goal weight. In the first few months of 2010 i lost the rest of the weight i wanted to lose & have maintained it! I've lost over 50lbs since my initial start & have been successfully steady at my current weight for over 8 months now! hoooorah!

4. i'm not sure if i've reached this goal. i have a nicer wardrobe, but, most of the time, since i don't have a job, i spend at home, usually in pjs or shorts & a tank. i don't tend to put makeup on if im not going out & my hair, especially since cutting it short, is usually just in a pony tail... i guess i'd say that at home, or the grocery store, or to get the mail... ya, i'm still a slob. Going out, on the rare occasion, i dress up NIIIICE! hahaha

5. well, i took it to another level, just not one that was higher than the last years level. The blog world has gotten away from me in the 2nd half of this year, well, more like the last 3/4 of this year. so, i guess.... for all intents & purposes... i failed this goal... :(


i DID reach my reading goal. i read 16 books this year, which is the most, in one year, i've ever read. that, to me, is awesome, & i'm suuuuper proud of myself. :)

i fly to CT tomorrow. i'm so stoked. Bazinga isnt coming with me, so i'm sad about that, but i can't wait to see my fam & friends!!!

luvs it*

day 3: fever dog.

Woke up in Cuba.

Cuba, Missouri, that is...

drove thru the rest of Missouri & made it to NaNa Kaylee-Face by 5:00!

"Spanky, why did you just post that RANDO clip from Almost Famous?"

Oh! I'm glad you asked...

TRIVIA: What is the name of the band in Almost Famous?

Answer: Stillwater

I'm in Stillwater, Oklahoma!

I'm staying in Stillwater (home of Kaylee, Oklahoma State University [go Cowboys], & Eskimo Joe's - burger joint!) until Tuesday morning, when it's time for me to HIT THE ROAD [jack]!

[these photos are from my last visit,

on road trip 1. 

i now have short hair!

more on that lata!]

off to watch tv, eat FroYo & crash out.

 

luvs it*

shambles.

i started writing this post the other day...
at the time i was writing, i had a few things on my mind, but they mostly revolved around the sentiments i heard at my friend's Father's funeral on Tuesday.
My friend, D & his brother T had spoken about the absolute love between their parents, and how, even though they had met in April and married the following October, they had one of, what sounded to me like, the most amazing, perfect love stories there has ever been.
Sitting next to L at the funeral, having been his place to stay and his connection to the town he used to call home, my heart buzzed in memories of how much i had loved him, Once upon a time...
it hit me in a weird way. I had, un-admittidly at the time, wanted, so badly, for him to take my hand, put his arm around me, tell me that he loved me too. I wanted, so badly, to be the couple that, if things had happened differently, all those years ago, we may have been.
He didn't, we weren't. Instead, we are something else, something different. Something that, in some ways, is way better, way more important, way more rare. Something I'm so proud of, but also, something that keeps the expression of any feelings of wanting more, completely un-allowable.
 
because i want to share the way i was feeling then, i'll give you the start of my original post, then i'll continue on to tell you why i changed the name of this post from it's original "nesting." to the current "shambles".

 nesting.

 originally written at 2:00p on February 3rd, 2010

the past few days have been rough, sad, & emotional, but also, in a weird, silver lining way, kinda great.
I picked up ex fame duck at the train station on monday, &, even though the circumstances (our friends father's funeral) i was very happy to see him.

[i don't really like the name Ex Fame Duck 
for him that much anymore... 
I'm gunna call him Aesop, for my own reasons.]

he looked dapper as hell in his Reservoir Dogs suit &, like always, my heart did a little flutter when he walked toward me.

 
with a huge hug, a kiss & a "Hey Baby!" we climbed into the car & set off toward town, where i dropped him off at the Funeral home for the wake, feeling way under dressed & a little uncomfortable about going in, waited for him in the car & read The Lovely Bones, which i kinda felt weird about later.
After the wake, he came back to the car & we head over to one of the local "watering holes" to meet a few other friends (aka your girl Spanky at dinner & drinks with seven boys, including Cinnamon Duck... which, i know see was def a one night thinger i guess, bc even though i sat between him & ex fame duck, there was nothing.)
We had drinks, some grub & eventually, head back to my place for the night. It was weirdly simple& perfect, but i found myself in the start of a slippery slope. The old feelings rushing back, trickling in.
i was feeling the need to nest.

 
i even found myself, at one, embaressing moment, feeling overcome with the want to break out & sing:

"It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live..."

[ 'your song" full lyrics & song by elton john

& gorgeous Moulin Rouge version w. E. McGregor]

which, being a total nut for music and theatrics, he may have appreciated, to a degree.
i hadn't gotten very far on my post yesterday. I usually end up starting these long posts at work & then save the draft & finish them later. That was my plan, until i received a call from my mother with 15 minutes left in the work day.
She told me that due to some issues not pertaining to me, the family, and even my bank account had been drained.

I lost it.

in the next hour i went through so many emotions; confusion, anger, disbelief, sadness, loss, fury...
I spoke with two friends on the phone. One, always dependable, offered helpful advice, a shoulder to cry on, & anything else that we could think possible, that she'd be able to do.
the other offered the same, as well as a place to stay. (1,500 miles away in a different time zone)
 
My friends, my dears, my luvs...
i don't know what to do.
Apparently, the money issue is being handled, as we speak, but the main issue remains strong.

 
i wish more than anything that i could hold onto the past memories & be happy with them as they were, not always begging the world for more from what has already passed.
i wish that i could be hopeful for a bright future, know that i will find the love that my friends parents had, believe that it truly is "better to have loved & lost..."
i wish that i could put on my happy smile, face the world, & tell it to bring it.
i wish that i could be nothing but a source of giddy, silly, childlike wonder & fun for all you, my luvs.
i wish, but i just don't seem to be able to keep it up, right now.
my strength is wavering, & if i don't get out of this emotional vacuum soon, i'm afraid this happy little chickie is going to turn into something dark.

 
i'm sorry if i brought you down...

i'll try to end on a good note, 

like i always do.

the truth also is, i wish the circumstances had been better, but i truly loved having Aesop stay with me for a few days. he just brightens me up. He loves my family, loves life & really makes me smile.
Also, his visit gave me the real kick in the ass that i needed to make my room presentable, so, silver lining:
i now have a beautiful, clean room w/ new crazy soft sheets!

    

[no, that's not really my bedroom, i wish... 

i gotta keep the mystery alive, 

can't be showing off my room! 

but boy, do i luvs me some PBteens!]

 
luvs it*

meet the clique...

Rick (Rickdiculous), Spanky, Dave (D Weiss-guy) & Amy (AmeCakes)

the fearsome foursome, deemed, ironically, "the clique" at work.

this is my mini, everyday family.

the sad story is, we're kinda breaking up.

it's not because anyone wants us to, but now that AmeCakes has moved onto the big beautiful city, the vibe is changing.
i'm so happy for her, but i do miss her.
 

it's kinda sad.

 
this picture was taken this weekend at our AmeCakes birthday party. We were joined by many other friends including Tara aka "t.molito" or Mojito, and Bobby aka Boobie.
 
i was actually pretty proud of myself, i was DD & drank gingerale at the bar.

good for me!

 

luvs it*

so happy for you.

i just want to say, quickly, that i'm very very happy for a friend of mine.
my friend got some wonderful news today & i felt like i wanted to put it out to the world that i'm extremely happy & excited. i'm sending out *good vibes* to this friend that everything stays on the up & up!

this is for you, friend!

luvs it*

hiatus.

this is my 180th post.
i now have 61 followers.
i'm taking a ::short:: break.

WHAT?! WHY!??!?!

for all of you who read Twilight, you'll understand... i'm within the last 200 pages of Breaking Dawn & i'm finding it harder & harder to put down. i'm so anxious to know how it ends that, honestly, i don't really want to do anything else until it's over.

it shouldn't take me very long, i can read pretty fast when i'm into it. but, in case life goes & fucks this up for me, i wanted you all to know, i'll be back, very soon, with another goal under my belt, ready to switch gears.
i'll miss you. try not to cry.
(haha, watch i finish it tonight, how dramatic am i?! hahahah)

but Spanky, what the hell are we going to do if you're not here blogging?!?!

don't do that, you sillies!

well, i'm glad you asked! If you haven't yet... then read this post about my massive giveaway! (it's the mom of all giveaways.. on this blog, so far, anyway!). & IF you haven't, what the hell are you waiting for? it's for a basket of awesome free stuff, helllloooooo!?

Of course, you can go visit the Bffer Nugg, JenBunny over at NovelistaBarista, but you have to promise to come back. She's a better blogger than me, don't let her suck you in & take you away from me.

You can go to bug AmeCakes over at ListeningAround & tell her that her (few) posts are bang'n. Maybe if we all bother the shit out of her, she'll start writting again!

of course always visit some of my other bloggie luvlies:

if you're kinda sad & in the mood for some poetic justice... visit "B" at Stars Like Little Fish. She makes me kinda happy sad. but i luv her writing. 

visit Ryan at ETC., ETC., ETC. - Spanky's original duck like quack*. He has some wonderful insights on the best of all random subjects. (plus, of course, he's a hottie duck like quack! haha ::don't blush ryan!::)

 get some advice from Miss Mercedes at How to Really Hold on to the Man of your Dreams! She's good... oh, she's good... (& she's pretty f'n Ramdiculous too! hey-ohhh!)

think about it with Ambar at Ambar's Thoughts. She's one hell of a chick & always has a shit ton to say about anything!

take a bite of the Irishy goodness with Conor from Pizza Box. A member of the newly formed "irish gang" (members include me, Spicy Spanky McHaggis - working title, Conor & JenBunny). plus, i mean, he's funny, & he's.. IRISH. (& soon to be another duck in the pond, woooop!)

stay for a sip with Nicole at My Teacups in Peony. her bloggie is just so pretty & fresh. plus, helloooo, she has a new ETSY shoppe!!!! It's called "With Love" & i was awesome enough to purchase a pair of her "holly" earrings (awe, like holly, that dog?) to be gifted in the giveaway! wooop!

get a little sinister with this rough & tough duck, Kris at Rantings of a Bitter Jarhead. (yes, sinister, his most recent post is called "Take your happy-go-lucky motivational speech about rainbows and sunshine and shove it up your ass..."). He's a cheery little quacker, but, don't let him fool you, he's been responsible for some comments that have really perked this little chick-a-dee right up. ::big smiles:: -weird, he also kinda reminds me of one, a few of my ex's... hmm..

last, but not least, one of my first bloggie babes, Elise at Without Rhyme or Reason. She's "so lovely" & always has the nicest things to say to me. I swear, this chick could be my sistah! Plus, she drops in tid-bits of her temporary life in Ireland that make me so jeal!!!

well, there you have it peepers. i'll see you soon. i luv u all. i hope everyone makes some more friends through this. i also hope that i finish this book soon, i'm dying to know the end. i'll also be joining you all again on my *new computer*.

luvs u all, luvs ur faces...

luvs it*

LOLing down memory lane...

the good 'ole days...

"if you need an easy way to remember it... just think of a bag of crap."



oh p.rudd, you're so wonderful

luvvvs it*