book five: My Horizontal Life

i finished book #5 today!

[perk of not having a job]

The first book by Chelsea Handler, one of the funniest chick-a-dees there is.
I'm stoked to continue down the drunken stooper of her Vodka induced sexcapades with her other two books ["Are You There God, It's Me, Chelsea" & "Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang, Bang"].
This bitch is so fucking funny, i thought i'd piss my pants reading this book.
The non-fiction collection of anecdotes ["a collection of One Night Stands"] is everything to be gained from a crazy night out, minus the hangover.
I've gone from liking C. Handler, watching Chelsea Lately every once in a while & think'n she's a riot, to desperately wanting to go out for Margs with her.

ps: some of you may have seen, in my previous post, that this is actually book 5 for 2010, but i'd rather not get into the book i read before this one, so i'm going to keep it to myself & keep on with the count.

have you read it?

what did you think?

[any books to recommend

i add to my list of "to read",

please comment them! 

-you can also see my 

virtual book shelf here!]

luvs it*

st. patrick's got jokes!

What do you call an Irish man that sits on your deck?

Patty O'Furniture!

[hahaha... ya, def already a lil drunk...]

 

luvs it*

happy st. patrick's day!!!

i hope you all have a very lucky St. Patrick's day!

to celebrate, i'm having a SPECTACULAR surprise st. patties give away!!!

i'll keep the giveaway open for 2 weeks, so please enter by March 31st!

to enter:

• follow this blog
• leave a comment!

extra entries:

• tweet about this giveaway to @Spankyluvsit & comment again to let me know!
• follow @Spankyluvsit on Twitter!
• become a fan of Spankyluvsit on Facebook & write on the wall!
• blog about this giveaway! (two extra submissions)
• send me a photo of you DECKED OUT in your St. Patties attire, to Spankyluvsit@gmail.com!

can't wait to see who wins!!!!!!!!

have a FABULOUS St.Patrick's Day & enjoy one of my FAV songs, of all time, by the Dropkick Murphy's, who i was lucky enough to see in concert last year!

[not gunna lie, i'm already a little drunk...]

luvs it*

thirsty thursday: Shamrocktini

not going to lie, nothing in this is at all, even close to what you really SHOULD be drinking on St. Patty's day...
but i'm assuming that everyone knows how to put Jameson & Bailey's into a shot glass, drop it into a Guinness & CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!

 

Shamrocktini

 
for the girly men:
 

paraphenalia:

• Add 1 to 1 and 1/2 oz of melon flavored vodka (such as Van Gogh's Melon Vodka)
• Add 1 oz melon liqueur
• Add a dash of orange juice

Shake or stir quickly and then strain into a lowball or martini glass

luvs it*

Thirsty Thursdays: Alice in Wonderland

Obviously the Thirsty Thursday is gong to be about Alice in Wonderland...

Here's a recipe for a drink that i've never had, but i plan to order tonight, before the movie!

Alice in Wonderland Cocktail

paraphernalia:

• 1 part Amaretto
• 1 part Grand Marnier (orange liqueur)
• 1 part Southern Comfort 

served on the rocks

Wonderland Cocktail

paraphernalia:

• 2 oz Absolut Vodka
• 1/4 oz lime juice
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• Splash of Grenadine
• club soda

Pour all ingredients into a rocks glass filled with ice. 

Mad Hatter Cocktail

paraphernalia:

• 2 parts Vodka (freezer temp)
• 1 part Cointreau
• 1 part peach schnapps (archers)
• 1 part Bacardi
• 1 part Mango juice

1 part vodka, peach schnapps, Bacardi shake well with ice - 1 part vodka, Cointreau, mango juice shake and serve.

White Rabbit Cocktail

paraphernalia:

• 3 ounces Vodka
• 3 ounces Vanilla Liqueur
• 1 ounce milk

served on the rocks.

Of course, you could always be lame...

Iced *Tea* Cocktail

paraphernalia:

• 1 to 2 parts Earl Grey-infused vodka (see below)
• 2 parts lemon soda (E.g., Limonata, Squirt, Fresca, 7-UP)
• a sprig of mint (optional)
• a thinly sliced lemon (optional)
• a splash of simple syrup (optional)

To make Earl Grey-infused vodka: For a 750 ml bottle, steep 4 tea bags for four to five hours (or until it's brewed-tea color; don't let it sit too long, or it will get bitter and tannic).

Simple syrup is equal parts by measure of sugar and water, heated to dissolve the sugar, and cooled.

To construct cocktail: Fill a tall glass with ice. Pour one to two parts vodka (depending on how strong you like it over ice. Add two parts lemon soda as a mixer. Add lemon, mint, and/or simple syrup if desired.

[source: Chuck from Yahoo Answers]

or just a hot tea with gin to make a "Tea Frog" or whiskey to make it Irish!

luvs it*

m.i.a.

hey my luvies.

Sorry i've been missing in action for a few days.
i've been half a busy little worker bee trying to organize my room & get everything into it's place.
i've actually thrown clothes away (who ever would have thought it was possible!), packed up some old things, bought a million organizer thingers, took down some ancient posters & hung up my *new & improved* goals board (OCD OCD OCD OCD... haha)

[see all my ducks?!]

i basically spent the weekend in my room cleaning & straightening things up, & then i went out Thursday, Friday & Saturday night w/ Travy.

Thursday, T & i went to one of the Asian Fusion places in town, where our really good friend is the bartender. Little did we know, he had called out sick, so we didn't get to see him, but i did have some uh-mazing Shrimp Tempora Sushi, Avacado Cucumber Rolls &, of course, some yumtastic Pinot Grigio [luvs the vino!] Finished the meal with drool worth fried bananas. omgggg...

[yum.]

We ended up at the local watering hole w/ my ex, & our really good friend, Kerm. We chilled there for a while.

Friday, we went back to "the local watering hole" & chilled, again, w/ Kerm. We saw our friends Blondie & her bf Bergie-berg. With a blizzard outside, & my car under a mound of snow, T drove, so i opted to get shitfaced.
Vodka Tonic, Shot, Shot, Lava Lamp Martini, Beer, Beer... Vodka Tonic... beer... beer... beer...
i got niiiice & toasted. We went back to Kerms w/ Bergie for a while, stopped at some other late night house party[ish] thing &, after walking all over the small town in the snow, & my damn heels, i was to' up & ready for bed.

Saturday, we went out for our friend BD's birthday & had a pretty good time,

'cept for the fact that She Who Shall Not Be Named was there, in her usual form, getting drunk & being obnoxious. T even told me that, a few times in the night, she had come up to him asking why i "said this" or "said that"... ya.. i hadn't said anything. T knew, bc he'd been w/ me all night! that didn't matter, i guess. Once she had something in her head, she was set on making it drama.

gag.

All in all, T & i had a blasty. We had drinks, talked to friends, saw good people we haven't seen in a while, watched BD get progressively drunker, as he damn well should on his bday!

i'm proud of myself though, even though, later, at my house, w/ just T, i did let it out that she'd really pissed me off, i didn't let it be seen while we were out. I didn't make a big [or even a small] deal over it at all.

what did you do this weekend?

did YOU have any fun drinks that you wanna tell me about? I'm alllways looking for something new & fun to have at the bar!

luvs it*

drink. drank. drunk... stumble down memory lane.

it's that day again. the day before Thanksgiving. All my American blog-ers & -ettes know what THAT means... time to get drunk & see all the people we went to high school with that are home for the holidays....

eiy...

Like the tradition stands for the past 2 year, JenBunny & I will suit up & stomp out to the local watering holes to squeeze up to the bar, flashy a toothy smile to our b.tender friends & tell them to "keep them coming, no matter what"... Then, drink in hand, we'll turn from the bar & see a sea of people we haven't seen in ages, haven't thought about in ages, or hoped we'd never see again.

i wonder... will the Ex-Duck be there? Wow... now that i think about it, i don't think i ever even talk about him on here. I guess i'll have to give him a cute name... Well, when we were dating, his nickname (from me) was Stinky Face... So i guess, since he's an ex, i'll call him "Stinky Ex-Duck" hahah

So, JenBunny & I will set out with a new mod squad member, GiaPet, newly 21 (awe, she's so cute) & gearing up for her first time out on T.Giving Eve.

what to WEAR?!

  -obviously the most important aspect of the evening. It's f'n cold in the North East, so i can't go scandalicious, plus, i don't want anyone thinking that i went from last years "finished community college & got a job" to "working as a middle class hooker escort". (ew, can u just imagine? the creeper face that sat next to me in Sr. year History corners me & offers me a few bills... UGH i'd vommmm!)
 -i def want to show off that, since last years fat fest, i've dumped the lumps & luv it.
 -Mall w/ GiaPet & Em Butthead Sis Piece should help get some order better than the Chaos that is my room (& the suitcase i'm still kinda living out of - thanks for the loan AmeCakes!)

what to DRINK!?

 -you have to have something to take the edge off, but it's all about pacing yourself after that. one good pregame shot should be perf. but it is a bad idea to wait to get to the bar for that relaxer. inevitably, you'll wait to get up to the bar for so long, that you'll end up already having had 15 awkward small talk convos before the booze even sets in. At that point, you'll be so stressed and annoyed, you'll order 3 shots. That'll make you so silly that the next time you go up, you'll want more &, "a round for the house, while you're at it"... bad news bears for liver & bank account... & for your guilt the next morning while you're snoring off the reunion hangover & mom is running around like a turkey with it's head cut off baking pies. never fun.
 -wine looks classy, but i luv it too much to be fair to myself. i can get real silly after 3 or 4 glasses... but i won't stop.
 -i guess it'll have to be mainly beer. That will protect me from any shot combos, & keep me occupied enough that i won't be sucking down straight gin or vod. eek. i just dread how my tum will fair in the morning. won't be fun!
 -def don't want to get carried out... well... unless...

what to SAY?!?

 -Hey! How ARE you?! Me? I'm good... I still live at home.... Still working for the online company... ya... the one w/ the strippers and clowns... uh huh.... no, i'm not seeing anyone... ya, i'm in school... in california... no, no, I take online classes... what am i going to do with that? umm... i'm not sure... When will i be done? oh... uh, about... 6 years? ya... just in time for my 30th birthday... & just AFTER our 10 year reunion... ya... i'll give you an update next time... maybe i'll invite you to my graduation... ya.... well, cheers... have fun.... thanks for ignoring me in High School.... ::big cheesey smile::

when to LEAVE!?!?!

 -This is always hard... you don't want to get there TOO early, but if you wait too long, you're never getting up to that bar, even if you do make a regular appearance at the bar & happen to text message with BOTH cute bartenders on a daily basis... These things actually make you LESS likely to get a drink, i've found, bc they know you won't get mad at them. They know you'll understand... ugh.
 -Leaving is the biggest problem. inevitbally, you'll be at one bar & the hot guy from Sophomore math will be at the other one. You'll ask someone "who did you see at the other bar" & they'll say his name. So you finish your drink & gather your peeps & rush to the other bar... just to find out "oh, he just went to the OTHER bar" (fuck, good luck, bc you're never gunna get your crowd to venture back up the steep main street hill, probably in the rain, to go back to the same mob so you can see some guy you drooled over when you were supposed to be learning quadratic equations, or... something...)
 -i guess as long as i can make it home walking, or get out of there before i make too much of a fool out of myself...

So, to all of you making this adventure out tonight, good luck. i truely hope that we can all have a blasty & remember the good times, laugh off the bad times & look fuckign hot as hell to make our ex-ducks (or ex-chicks) sweat a little.... BUT DO NOT trust the ex if he says he's single... chances are he is NOT... if he doesn't live in town, he probably thinks he can score some yum while "shes" in her hometown... fuck'n asshole...

Have fun, drink your faces off, have a BoMo (AmeCakes word: Black Out Make Out), brag... but, stay classy "san fransisco".

oh ya... &... try not to vom!

also - i read this HILARIOUS article from The Onion about this very night! i LUVS it... read it. it's a great laugh for anyone! 

luuuuuuuuvs it!

ps: i'd like to send out some *good vibes* to my hunnie-luv NaNa. Her mother isn't feeling well & is having some tests done. Everyone please think positive thoughts for her & her family. we luvs u mama.

trick or treat, bitches!

i hope that everyone had a treat-tastic halloweeeeen!
my night started off a bit rocky, but after 2 hours of painting my face, teasing my hair & frosting myself in bling, i was transformed.

Spanky became Daisy

unfortunately, no one knew who the hell i was...

what do people WATCH if they don't watch VH1 reality tv!?! Who DOESN'T watch Daisy of Love?! ...as i type i'm watching the wonderful television program, Tool Academy 2!

i think i looked awesome, just say'n...

me as Daisy last weekend at Mattman's birthday party... he was Frankenberry!

So, i threw on my Uggs & climbed in my cute new car & drove my ass 50 mins to JenBunny's new appartment. After a few final touch ups, we were off to White Plains, NY to park in a garage, walk to the main road & take our place in the very loooong line of half sober, half wasted clowns, french maids, mario brothers, Giants players & slutty lady bugs...

JenBunny was a hot mama in her "Free Rides" Taxi driver costume, Cheryl rocked it out as a super hot Baseball Player & Michelle went as a sexy kitty with stick on whiskers that kept falling off when she smiled. (I LOLed at her when she, out of no where, exclaimed that she "hates dumb cats"! haha)

JenBunny as Taxi Driver

 

Cheryl as Baseball Player

 

OK, this wasn't the costume that Michelle wore, she had black leggings & a black tube top, but this is just so hot! i want it!

Mario, Luigi, slutty Girl Scouts and a random dude in a black & white camo shirt were behind us. The Girl Scouts were passing out Philanthropy by grinding up against Gorrila's, basketball players and singing "Go Banana, Go Go Banana" (with a clear slip into Holla Back Girl a few times... "b-a-n-a-n-a-s!") to a Giant Banana guy, who, needless to say, luvd the attention.

i couldn't find a "Go Banana" clip... but i did find this funny banana video!

The line started to get old REAL fast, especially when, after an hour & a half, it started drizzling... (fml)...

we watched the Costume Contest throught the window while we waited. We saw the Mystery Inc. gang, complete with Scooby (came in 5th place) - (which made me jeal bc i've ALWAYS wanted to do that), the Jolly Green Giant (came in 3rd), a guy in a Hooters outfit, Plaxico Burress with a GSW to the leg (hahah, didn't place, but i got a good LOL out of it), and a few Lady Gaga's, one of which was male.  -i didn't get to enter... :o(

So, we FINALLY got into the bar & i quickly downed 2 back to back shots of tequlia, straight up, no training wheels for THIS lush, and then got my groove on, brewski in hand.

it was fun for a while, once the 3rd shot of tequlia hit my system, but i was not finding any boys to mac on... :o(
my hopeful goals for the night (find a Brett Michaels for my Daisy, or an Edward Cullen to make out with) weren't going very well.

 

There was a bunch of guys next to us dressed as Street Fighters, characters from a video game that i had no clue about. They enjoyed explaining that it's an awesome game somewhat like Mortal Kombat. They were kool, but i was still without a h.ween squeeze.

"...another Coors Light please"

a few more jams, a few photo opps (on cameras that were not mine, so i don't have them to load yet), an Edward Scissorhands, Chris Angel and a Preist later, i turned around to see a TOTAL QT!

could this be my halloween Duck? hmm...

He was another Street Fighter, but to my happy surprise, looked more like Flex than Bret Michaels. (score!) 

 He was supposed to be Guile, from Street Fighter, which... means... nothing to me... but he was hot. haha

So, we chatted for a bit, he didn't guess who i was supposed to be (pout) but i forgave him. After a while of chill'n (i think dancing?) drinking and having a competition to see who could get the bartenders attention first (i won. duh.) he was gracious enough to accompany me out to the back porch for a ciggarette & some quieter surroundings.

& after a little while... Daisy & her Street Fighting Flex did a little of this...

umm... Quuaaaaaaaaccck!!!

we hung out the rest of the night; MO'n, LOL'n & Luv'n H.ween.

then, my GD iPhone died before i could snag the digits (doh!) but i gave him mine... so, we'll see what happens... hopefully there will be something there!


luvs it*