diary of a manic obsessive.


gripes make only bitter wine...

for 2010, i'm going to let something go.

i lost a "friend" this year, & it sucked, but for this year, i'm letting it go. i'm over it.

to get it out of my system, i'm making two dedications.

especially these lines:
 You wanna make me sick;
You wanna lick my wounds,
Don't you, baby?
You want the badge of honour when you save my hide
But you're the one in the way
Of the day of doom, baby
If you need my shame to reclaim your pride 

especially these lines:
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised

It got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
& with that... i'm done. it may be hard to do, but as far as i'm concerned, this "friend" is gone, i'm over it & i will try my damnedest never to mention it again.
i feel refreshed...
luvs it*


JenBunny posted my goals on her bloggie, NovelistaBarista.com

here they are!

luvs it*



JenBunny is going to kill me, but i'm so in awe about how much we've changed since 2007.

this is a photo of me & her on my 21st (hence, i look shit-canned) birthday.

i know i look awful
it wasn't until JenBunny (randomly) commented on this photo today on facebook that i really looked at it.

this is us this past Saturday. 
ok, so we still look a bit tips, but geez!
shit girl, we look fantastic compared to THEN! holy crap!
bye bye baby fat!
[we'll see if JenBunny stops speaking to me bc i posted this...]
luvs it*


i'm not sure if i want to read this book or not...

it's by my fav author, Francesca Lia Block, but i just finished Twilight & i dunno about diving into another vamp book...

but... FLB is my favvv!

luvs it*


well, i haven't heard from him since the other night when he told me he really liked me & wanted to talk to me more & take me out on a "real official date"... lol... so, i guess we'll see?

Cinnamon Duck:
nothing in a few days. poo. Never heard anything about NYE or if he'll be joining us... should i ask? hmm.. maybe i should text him & ask if he wants me to "put him on the list"... or.. maybe i don't & i scope out a NYE duck from fresh... nothing like a bit of hunting when dressed to the 2009's in a bar in NYC, right?

he will not be coming to the states for a visit any time soon. He was going to bc the town house his family has in the states was flooded & he was going to come help his Mum pick up the pieces. She can handle it herself, so he went back to "Oz." yesterday (he was in China for xmas bc his fam relocated durring the time we weren't speaking).
* important to remember about Dingo *
we may have had a past "relationship" & i may have had a bit of a crack in my heart bc of him, but he is first & foremost my friend. one of the best i've ever had. (boys especially). i luv him to death & i wish him well in every way. I would luv to see him & i'd luv to be able to forget everything that happened last year. I'm actually making a point to forgive him for past indescresions & take it as a "sign" that we are NOT meant to be anything more than friends. To be perfectly frankie, i think i was pushing the feelings on myself. he's a great guy, but he'd drive me nuts if we were together, much like he did for our short lived relationship in high school. i love (there's that real "l" word again) him soo much & can't wait to see him again, someday. He is, was, [hopefully] won't always be, confused, but i want to make sure that he knows that i'll always have mad luv for him. He shouldn't have to be confused about me. I want to be a solid thing for him.

wow, i know, i'm either headed for a highway pile up, or will end up very alone & very dissapointed soon.
[confession... about 2 years ago.... i was... on... match.com... -ugh-]
during that time, i talked to a few ducks, but only ended up meeting one at first, Ryan. He's THE shit & he's probably reading this [what up ryyyyyyan!]. We went out a few times, but we didn't end up having that *spark*. HOWEVER, in him, i found one of my very favourite people & we've been friends for a while. We talk often & i think he's fantastic.
but, he's not the new duck. [sorry ry, i'll come up w/ a cute nickname for you... teehee]
I also met a guy who i really liked, a bit of a RedNeck Duck, but we thought it was kinda cute that a RedNeck Duck could be with a Twisted Hippie Chick like me. he ended up being a d-bag duck & never called again once he got the overnight visit on date #4. ick.
but... he's not the new duck either...
The new one is Banks. He was another guy that i'd met on the embarrassing site. We never actually met up, but we facebooked & chatted for a while on IM. eventually, it died down until last month, when i got the cutest little facebook message:

Hey Spanky,
I hope this doesn't seem a bit weird...we spoke a bit on and off i think it was thru match originally and IM. I remember enjoying our conversation and it then died out. I was interested if you wanted to meet up for some drinks at some point or start the conversations again. [there was a comment about my job & how he may know someone intersted in my website.] Anyways, look forward to hearing from you...have a great evening!
obvi i wrote him back:
ha! for sure, i remember! not weird at all, how are ya?
i'd love to meet up for drinks. i'm not sure if i'll be able to before the new year, but if not, how's january for you?
hope you are well! :o)

a few IM convo's back & forth & today he texted (yes, i gave him my digits the other night, after a large glass of Pinot & some nice conversation) & asked if i'd join him for dinner on Sat. 
well... remember were i'm supposed to be on Sat? oh ya... dinner w/ Hoss... 
He was a sweetie tho & was absolutely fine with rescheduling until next week. We're set to meet on Wednesday at 8 at some place called Mona Lisa. Hmm.. what to order. 

We'll see, but, like i said before, i should have some interseting events in the near future, & lots more to come for you, i'm sure. 

do i...
-text Cinnamon Duck about NYE, or troll the city for a NYE duck?
-remind Hoss that he was going to take me to dinner on Saturday, or let it lay until/unless he brings it up?
-order the Penne Vodka or the Grilled Lemon Chicken? [am i the lamest for looking at the menu?! haha] 

more to come, i'm sure.

luvs it*


you like me!

thank you so much JenBunny for my luvly award!!!
read the wonderful things that my bffer nugg wrote about me here!
if you haven't read NovelistaBarista.com, please do it, now!
luvs it*


punk'd, puzzled & a little pissed?

is Ashton Kutcher, God? ...becuase there is something seriously wack going on.

after i posted last nights late update on the whole crazy double duck drama, what happen?

a random IM came through to my iPhone (which i didn't even know had been logged on) from Duckie from Down Under, Aussie Duck, or, maybe i'll call him Dingo?

veeeeeeeeeeeery long story that i'm going to try to paraphrase the hell out of:

Once upon a time, there was a chickie named Spanky*, well, given the subject, we'll call her a Shelia (luvs Aussie terms). It was the start of high school, & this Shelia met a boy. He was new in town, fuck he was new to the country. He was Australian [ya, swoon, right?] His "name", Dingo, & they were instantly friends. They grew very close over the four years of high school & developed a strange, yet organic relationship that was defined by fuzzy lines. They had a great time together & she spent many nights at his house having dinner with his family (whom she affectionately adopted as her own second family) having chinese dinners, talking about their amazing world travels & even getting to hold the Olympic tourch his father had ran with in the Sidney Olympics [ballaaa!].
Senior year, the planets arranged themselves in an certain odd way that caused an interesting plot twist... they hooked up. [gasp!]

feelings were tossed around & they ended up opting to date. they went to Sr. year homecoming together & had a great time! but, then things got strange. looking back, she thinks that maybe he wasn't that into the idea & may have even been feeling a little weird about the relationship shift.
they fought a lot (which sucked because they only officially dated for a whopping 2 weeks). eventually (aka 2 weeks into it) they called it quits after an awkward conversation about how they both kiiiinda felt like brother & sister. [ew]
flash forward a few weeks of cumbersome readjustment & the Shelia met a new boy (Stinky Ex-Duck), Dingo dated a mutual friend & the two were friends again.
after a semester at the local Community College, Dingo decided he wanted to return to his roots, he picked up & went back to Australia. The Shelia was heartbroken. She couldn't stand to lose her friend, but, as promised, they stayed in touch, calling when they could, IMing and eventually (years later) video chat on Skype.
He came back to visit a few times, once for surgery, & she spent basically his entire visit, held up in bed with him playing video games & helping is mum take care of him.
A visit after that was when the hosue was still on the market, but the rest of the family moved to Spain. When he'd gone home for the night in the big empty house in the woods, he called her up & asked if she'd come spend the night saying "it's too scary in this big empty house" [awe, mr. 6 foot 4 is afraid of the dark?]
of course she went & they talked & watched tv until they fell asleep.
Dingo came back a few times with the usual 6 month to a year between. They talked sporadically, but they were always caught up on what was going on in the others life. She was proud of his work (in design school), but she didn't much care for his rude girlfriend. She always blushed a bit when a friend of his would grab the phone away from him to talk to Spanky*, who they'd "heard SO much about!" [cute!]
[i really hope you're still reading... it's getting good.]
they even joked that if they were 28 & single, they'd get married, but if one of them was to be hitched before then, they'd be the others best man/maid of honour. She included that little tid bit in a speech she wrote about him for her Public Speaking class in college (it was supposed to commemorate someone. who better than her Bffer Duck that had moved away). He told her once that he told his parents all he wanted for a birthday gift was "a plane ticket so Spanky* can visit". ::tear:: too bad that a Spanky* is WAY more expensive a gift than a nice digital camera... he got the camera. Every time he was hoping to come back to the States, he wanted to tell her, but after a few failed attempts, he told her he wouldn't tell her again unless he was holding a non-refundable plane ticket in his hand. reason: he couldn't take disappointing her so much when he'd have to tell her if plans fell through.

They even had a song. [yes, click the link, it's priceless.]

So, what's the drama, i'm sure you're thinking. well, dumb Shelia got ahead of herself around October of 2008. They'd been Skyping every night, IMing constantly & looking forward to his visit in a few months (with a non-refunable plane ticket). they even made serious plans that she'd save up as much money as possible & fly to Aus. in September of 2008 to live with him for a month or two. They were so excited to be together for Christmas and New Year's Eve in the States, & made heaps of plans of what to spend the nights doing (since, yes, she had to work).

[fuck, believe it or not, this is SO the short version.]

the day came, he was here, she was elated. he landed in JFK around 10:30, Mum picked him up, they got to town at 11:45, he called her at 11:50 & she was at his familys US residency, an adorable town house off Main St., in his arms, being swung around in a massive hug before 12:00.

another big hug for mum (who had been in the states for back surgery [eek!] for a while), then down tot he den for movies, talking, & eventually sleep. Brunch w/ mum in the am, home to change, then back to his place for the rest of the day & another night. blah, blah, blah... sounds like a luvly little happy picture, eh? well it was. (keyword... was)

stupid Shelia had started thinking, a few weeks before Dingo came back, that maybe she really did have feelings for him [cue the pained look on the readers face when they figure out where this is going...]. She even thought, even though the relationship was completely impractical (literally can't get further long distance that CT to Australia...) she thought maybe he felt the same way. (here comes that bomb again...)
before he'd come home, they'd even BOTH had dreams of them being married [woah. weird.]. She told only a few of her friends, simply because she needed help to sort through it. She told JenBunny, AmeCakes, K, & JG. Poor JG ended up being the one that got stuck hearing about it one night while the Shelia was drunk at the bar.
"Girl, i'm freak'n out! i think i might be like, in LOVE with him! what am i going to do!? [wah wah wah, drunk girl crap]"

Questions to answer so this story can be over, already:
yes: they reminised about old time, caught up on current times, she drooled over his projects from school & they went through the boxes of treasures that had been being stored at the town house.
yes: she was so excited when his Pops came back & she was able to see him again.
yes: little sister too.
yes: they went to the mall to pick out an outfit for him to wear for New Year's Eve.
yes: he told her to make the plans bc he was going wherever she was going.
yes: they ended up hooking up one night. [ugh. dammit.] but it wasn't anything too serious.
yes: she spent the night after
yes: he kissed her goodbye the next morning.
no: ...it was a kiss on the forehead.
yes: she felt 3 inches tall.
yes: they still hung out after that.
yes: she did feel like things got a little weird
no: they did not end up having another good night (hook up or not) whilst he was home.
yes: she did find out that he'd slept with her friend JG [yes, the one that she spilled her guts out to before he came...]
no: her "bff" K didn't tell her even though she knew. [f'n bitch...]
[no: i'm not capable of writing a "short story"]
yes: it did happen before & after [& after, & after, & after..... & after...] they'd hooked up that one night
yes: it did click in her head one night at the bar
yes: they did end up at the same NYE party.
no: they were not together
no: they did not talk
no: he didn't wear the outfit they picked out
yes: he was with JG
yes: Shelia did get shitfaced
yes: they ended up getting in to a big fight a week or two later at the bar.
yes: he was an ass
no: he didn't seem to understand when she told him that she wasn't upset that he'd hooked up w/ JG, but that he'd let it affect THEM, when it shouldn't have changed anything.
yes: he said really mean shit that didn't really apply.
yes: he told her that she'd changed, that she was different, that she was the problem.
yes: she believed him.
no: they didn't talk again after that.
yes: she did a total dumb dramatic girl thing & wrote him a sappy letter
yes: she took it to his house the night before he left to go back.
yes: he opened the door.
yes: he hugged her goodbye.
yes: she almost started crying.
no: they didn't talk after that.


what the fuuuuuck?!!??! like there hasn't been enough weirdness going on the last few days?!

he asked her how she has been, & after she said "look, you really hurt me last year, i'm not really looking to jump back into a conversation like nothing happened" he said he was so sorry & he wished he could take it back.

apparently he's coming back for a visit in about a week & is hoping to stay through January. He said he's been through a lot & wants to see her.

i'll tell you something luvrs...
if Stinky Ex-Duck had called last night, JenBunny would be mopping up my brains from her living room right now. head would have exploded.

i hate not ending on a good note, so i'll say, to the old good times & the thought of being hopeful in the future...

luvs it*

ps: JenBunny gave me a bit of advice. she said that my posts are toooo long. what do u think? do u come to my bloggie & see the magnitude of my epic explanations & say "fuuuuck that, i don't got all day, Spanks!", or do u make a cup of tea, [better yet, a glass of Pinot] & curl in to take the ride with me? just curious. i want my luvrs to enjoy my posts, not drudge through them. feedback would be perf!


say whaaa?!

i did NOT see that coming...
Houdini called me... like an hour & a half ago.
[in the dark? original post here, catch up then come back!!! please?] 
the two things he said that were so typical:
"i was reaaaally drunk" - ya, i know, cop out central, but i've been there before, so, i guess i'll take that & cash it.
"my ride was out the door & i couldn't find you" - well, i mean, i was basically in the same two spots the entire night; kitchen or garage... other than the 5 mins i was in the bathroom. so...

my misunderstanding:
it wasn't until about 30 mins into our conversation (which lasted an hour...) that i realized his text:
[was good seeing you but i think i'm donzo. peace out kiddo]
was NOT meant to be what i read it as.
-boys, take note...
when i saw that [after a day of drinking, yes] i took it as
"look.. i'm over it, i'm over you, i'm done with this. it was nice to see you, but nothing is happening with us"
what he MEANT was
"i'm glad that i got to see you, but i'm really drunk & i need to go to sleep. hope to see you soon"... 
ya, my bad, sorry guys, i guess i may have done a typical chick thing... at least i read it & was like "ok, whatever, peace" & i didn't explode, yell & flip any tables, jersey style... right?


::neeeeerrrrrrrrrrr kaboooooom!::
"i didn't want to admit it, even to myself, but i realize that i like you a lot more than i thought... i really like you."
honestly, i feel a lil bad writing about this. i feel like, if it were reversed, i'd be real hurt if someone that i'd just admitted to liking, was writing about me on the internet...
shit. am i total bitch for this? [i removed parts of the original post, fyi]
anyway. it's getting really late & i have work in the am [ugh.] & a long commute bc i'm crashing on JenBunny's very comfortable pull out couch. [haha].
Houdini [i guess i'll have to change the name... maybe Conundrum?] ends up telling me that he'll be home next weekend & wants to take me out on a real, one on one dinner date. He understands that nothing is going to become of it, but he said that he wants to be able to sit down & enjoy some time together... so, maybe i'll do that.
[is that a bad idea?]
i wish that i'd recorded our convo, but i guess that would be REAL nuts. i only wish so that i could reiterate.
at first, i let him have it. i told him that i thought it was bullshit that he peaced, bullshit that he sent me that text (which, i now understand the context of), & told him that he needed to chill out bc i wasn't looking for commitment & he knows he can't either, so he needs to stop even considering it & just let shit go, so we can hang out, have fun & whatever.
at one point, he kinda said "i've had this conversation before, but it was the other way around"
- was he saying that i was acting like a dude? pah. well shit...
so, i guess we'll see, but i'll tell you one thing... shit could get hella weird within the next week or two because i'm still hoping to see my new duck, who happens to be one of Houdini's friends. [whoops?]

*fun fact: they are both friends with a few guys i've hooked up with over the years, including ex fame duck, Lannon... they also both are very aware that Lan was "my first" in high school.
**funner fact: i texted ex fame duck today, asking for advice about Cinnamon Duck, because i know they're friends... he said
[He's the man... did you guys eff?]
pah! o man. i luvs that i can ask him that shit. & no, we did not "eff". ha!

i don't know, i guess i'll see how it all unfolds. i'll tell you one thing, my luvs, i'm kinda annoyed at the way the world goes. why is it that everything is absolutely stagnant for months, sometimes, then all of a sudden... too much at once? i'm not a juggler. it's not one of my skills...
geez. i guess i really need to get my ducks in a row!


luvs it*

duck. duck. duck. duck. goose.*

i guess that usually "goose" would be "it"... in this case, "goose" is gunna be the opposite. Goose is gunna be "you are NOT it & i know that"...

went out w/ JenBunny last night (shock!). we went to the local watering whole to pre-game a bit & then hit up a mutual friends house party.
the place was packed. like sardines, there were a shit-ton of little mini drunkies, younger than JenBunny & I. the one kool thing about the younger kids was that JenBunny's broseph showed up. (i introduced myself to his friend as his "sister by association" - he seemed to get it.)

i was texting with Hoss, the Long Distance Duck  
(no, his name isn't actually Hoss, more on that to folllow.)
& he had been saying that he was looking forward to hanging out with me...
this is the one that i had seen at the house party after the reunion last month. the one that was making out w/ me & i'd said i'm kinda over it... (to you all, not to him... whoops)


Hoss's Appeal:
  • he's funny. (i know, i'm so typical)
  • he's tall & skinny, ( i have a history of going to the tall lanky ones...)
  • he's good at Beruit (aka Beer Pong to all you sillies)
  • he gave me a cute nickname... "Smalls" bc i'm short & also because The Sandlot is one of the best movies ever. (i've been trying to come up with a nickname for him forever. Smalls came so easily for him when coming up with mine, but he was harder. i tried on a few; Stretch, Roach, Romeo, even Cocky-Mother-Fucker was an option. due to his last name, which i'll keep out of publication, i went with Hoss. but no, he's not like a red neck in overalls - sorry to anyone named Hoss that i may have offended!)
  • he doesn't live around here (terrible, but that means i can see him when he's visiting his 'rents, but not all the time - wow, i'm like... a dude...)
  • he has a funny laugh (he literally giggles like a little girl... it's weird, but i like weird laughs. i'm drawn to them because they make ME laugh... remember, that Bartender i was in lust with for two years? He laughs like Santa... seriously, it's glorious. Christmas Cheer all year round. too bad he didn't deliver.)
  • he'll text me for daaaays. (literally, one day we texted back & forth from like 11am to 7pm. just about bullshit. i like that.)
Hoss's Faults:
  • he's confusing. i'm just not really sure what he wants from me, but i think that might be because he isn't sure either. so, i guess i can't blame him...
  • he gives me shit for smoking, but then, when i'm with him, he makes it seem like he's being a god damn saint, doing me a favour, sacrificing himself, to kiss me... which he said once was "like licking an ashtray"... thanks man. 'preciate it...)
  • he leaves. he picks up & disappears. he vanishes. he'll be there one moment, then, he's gone. (now, i don't know, because i haven't hung out with him TOO many times, but the times that i have, recently, he literally will just be gone.) this fault gave him his new nickname.
he says he's stoked to see me. i get to the party & i have texts from Hoss, asking me to come & get him.
[nah. can't, sorry, i'm w/ JenBunny... figure it out. see ya there.]
He shows up, soaking wet from the rain & comes up to me in the middle of the crowded kitchen, grabs me around my waist & kisses me.
-well, i guess everyone knows something's going on now... geez... (yes, i know, most girls would be elated that a guy they were mearly "talking to" would put a big 'ole PDA stamp on things, but... eh... i wasn't looking to commit to a make out buddy yet..)

We talk for a little bit, but we don't really have much to say to eachother. i'm just trying to say anything to get him to not throw me on the kitchen counter.
la, la, la... the night goes on, but i end up talking to a few other people, some of which were; a guy i've known since middle school, a wonderfully classy, sweet guy who i realized, in high school, is my distant cousin (luvs him), a chick who's younger that i used to work with, a chick who's younger that i've partied with a few times (who was shitcanned), a good friend ex-fling duck who was flirting w/ JenBunny, the Host Duck, Host Ducks ma & pa & sis piece & a new duck.

Cinnamon Duck
(name subject to change)
i went to school w/ Cinnamon Duck, but we discussed how we don't think that we have ever spoken. I totally know who he is, & from what i've heard, he's legit. i've never heard an ill word about him. We start chatting & after a while, i realize that this non-smoking duck has been out in the cold garage, in just a tee, with me for over an hour. what a sweetie, but i hope he doesn't get pnemonia...
I barely can recall what we talked about, but i know at one point we stumbled across a deck of Tarot cards & tried to read eachothers fortunes. [pah!]
With the fear that all brewskis were either empty or wounded, my new duck went on a hunt for something with kick... o boy, he found it.... Cinnamon Whiskey... (ahh, it's all coming together now).Since i'm getting over a cold, & i'm not a Cowboy, i tried not to take a big, manly swig, i tried to be slick with a dainty sip. FAIL, i spilled Cinnamon Whiskey all over my cheek & chin & it dripped down my neck & my chest (no, not hot, not even a little bit). but, he laughed & didn't mock me... too much.

long story [kinda] short... we had fun talking the rest of the night & exchanged numbers. JenBunny & her balla self did me a solid (without me even having to imply!) & asked him his NYE plans. She invited him to join us (what an awesome bffer, eh?) He said he'd call me to discuss. At one point, we came up with a great invention & said we were going to become billionaires together. (oh yes, there is a contract...)

We left, JenBunny drove me home & about 20 mins later, i had a text :o)
we texted back & forth for a bit & in the am, i had another saying he'd fallen asleep.

i luvs meeting new people, especially new old people that i always "knew" but never really "met".

Hoss, on the other hand, had texted me from the other room of the party telling me he was going to leave. i'd gone back to say bye & he was gone (shock..). Then, his dumb ass texts me:

[was good seein ya but i think im donzo, peace out kiddo]

whaaaa? what the hell does that mean? (which, actually was what i texted him back, with no answer still).

whatever man. u do what u want, but i hope you realize, your new nickname is Houdini, not affectionately.

*new duck* = awesome.
Houdini = lame. ur not a duck, you're a goose.
overall night experience = priceless!

luvs it*



duh. i forgot to post this cutsie pic of my holiday breakies!

i got the flower pancake/egg mold for moms.

luvs it*

cozy conundrum.

a luvly friend of a friend gave me a very generous gift of $50 toward Victoria Secret.
[wow! thanks!!!]
there were a few things that i didn't get from my wish list* that i really wanted needed from the power house that is [affectionatly] vickie's...

what i really wanted, was the soft & sexy wrap.

ok, simple, it's on sale for $39. perf... but...
what colour?!?!?!?!
here are the ones i like...

lemme know which one [two?] you think i should get!

thanks babers!

ps: so stoked right now, TiVo really does luvs me... it picked out some shows for me to watch, without me having to tell it to! what am i watching right now you ask?!
"a Very Tanner Christmas"
Full House? YES!!! NOW it's Christmas!

& i literally just heard my ex fame duck on another commercial - Sear's Door Buster Sale ad, that sexy voice? ya, i tapped that... hahahahah

luvs it*

mirror mirror...complex?

what do u think about people who have blogs that are basically just daily photos of them & their outfits?

granted, they usually have fanTASTic 'fits & cute pics, but... like... what's the real appeal? what, other than styling trends, why do they get so much attention?

i was just looking at one JUST now... she had 254 comments on a post that was literally 5 photos of her in an outfit in different poses, in her living room.

ya... the pants were hella cute, and the ankle boots were trendy-tastic... but.. 254 people "tuned in" to see

"what's this chick gunna wear TODAY? & will she pose to the left, or the right?!?!....... the RIGHT today! amazing. i MUST comment!"

i mean... right?

i dunno. i don't see the point in it. honestly, the taking of & uploading photos to the blog post, is the most time consuming and obnoxious part of all! writing is the fun part, photos are tedious.
o well. it's not for me... but here's one little narcissistic pic, just to prove a point:

luvs it*

merry merry merry*

teehee. to those of you that i texted this morning, i apologize for the repetition.

it's been a luvly holiday so far. i was up until 5:30am wrapping gifts, watching (the traditional) A Christmas Story Marathon on TBS & having xmas insomnia.

you'll shoot your eye out!
I remember, when i was little, we had a one of those (children of the 90's) cassette tapes with a read along book. It was of Rudolph and it was "tradition" to listen to the (15 mins long tape) over & over & over again until we (my sister & i) fell asleep. My sister is the type of person that can conk out in 5 seconds... i can be up all night trying to get some winks.
one year, i thought i saw the red glow of a nose in the sky. i was clearly either overly imaginative, or fucked in the head at a young age... hmm...

finally, sleep, for a few hours... visions of sugar plums, ribbons and misfit toys... just to be woken up by a sleepy mom so i can finish a few last wrappings for em butthead sis piece & pops.

gifts under the tree, packed, wrapped & ready to be torn into, i make sure to change into "cute pjs" & make up (pops, the photog, would be sure to catch me in full on morning monster mode).

we ripped open paper of green, red, white and blue & enjoyed watching each others reactions to the gifts we'd picked out. then.. they were all done.
my favourite thing i gave...

Alfred Hitchcock "The Birds" Tippi Hedren Barbie

[for ma.]
a few goodies to mention:
- express fedora alla ashley simpson-wentz (finally, i'll be fedorable too!)

- 2 pair ultra snuggley pj pants
- super soft pink sweater from vickies
- 2 ducks! (thanks daddy-o!)
- Twilight Scene It! (so AmeCakes, JenBunny, Em Butthead Sis Piece, Cheryl & myself can have an Edward Luv-a-thon Battle Royale)
- a Fleur's snitch necklace from trophies* etsy shop! (yesss!)
- glovies, thigh high socks, boots

&... (drum roll...)

a WEBBIE! (whooooooooop!)


we also went to see Sherlock Holmes (since the extended fam isn't coming until tomorrow...)
it was aweeeesommmmeeeeeee.

now, we're going to play the Twilight game. after i go smoke to try to get less full from the festive Chinese food we ate.
more later & video updates soon!


have a very *spanky* christmas everyone!
luvs it*



this photo depresses me...

but i kinda like it.

luvs it*


brittany murphy: "honey you know where the world is at"

"Some fairy tales are true, most of there stories we make up to help us deal with real life; it all depends on your point of view, but here are the facts... there was once a princess, who lived in a castle, high above the streets of an enchanted kingdom."
"Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It just means your heart's too big."
-Fay, Riding in Cars with Boys

i'm sure that i'm not giving anyone any news that they didn't know already. everyone knows. it's a terribly sad, horrible loss.
i'm so upset. 
brittany murphy was a gorgeous, talented, silly chick-a-dee.
def a favourite of mine.
if anyone isn't aware, she passed away sunday morning at 10:04am. she was found by her mother, unconscious. she died of a heart attack, for (at this point) no known causes. here's the full story, so far.

so, i'll pay her homage:

-i'll rock the fuck out to Faster Kill Pussycat:

-i'll watch Uptown Girls & get weepy (like i always do durring "Mollie Smiles"):

-i'll listen to her amazing singing voice & appreciate her awesome stage presence (she could have been the next marilyn... maybe she kinda was.. or is...)

-& i'll try not to think about the irony & hopefully won't make real life connections to many of her not so happy roles.
i might have to wait a little while to dive into Girl, Interrupted.

luvs u* b. murph. 
to quote ashton

"see you on the other side, kid"


"a night for celebrations" -breaking dawn

i did it. it's done. i finished.

i'm sad, but happy that i don't have to avoid anything twilight in fear that i'll have the end blown.

o man, stephanie meyer is sorta... evil. she wrote a character that is impossibly wonderful, incapable of being beaten.
wow. talk about a complex.

thank god this wasn't the ending...

i also caught up on last weeks SNL with Taylor Lautner. most of it wasn't that great, but there was one sketch that i luvd so much i had to play it for AmeCakes at work, Mom & Sis piece at home & now for you!

pah! how funny is that? "if those abs are real, then the dude that plays Jacob deserves an OSCAR!"
it's a saturday night & i'm sick... gross
i spent my saturday night watching a Muppet Christmas Carol with my sis, Em Butthead. We used to watch it all the time when we were younger, and, i'm sure you won't be shocked to know that i am all about watching movies/tv shows that i luvd when i was bitty.

the cat playing Scrooge as a young doode is a weird combo hybrid face. (one of those people that looks like two or more other people if they were smooshed together)

Raymond Coulthard: is a combo of Robert Pattinson & Jude Law... y'think? Em Butthead thought a dash of Ed Westwick, but i'm sticking to my two. aadding a 3rd can get dicey.

ya, i think so...

also, i finished twilight around 7:00pm... by 9 i'd eaten dinner & already read half of Go Ask Alice. ha

time for cold meds, tissues, tea, and down pillows.

::sniff, sniff::

luvs it*

p.s. spoiler alert in comments!

a very gaga christmas

fantastic find by AmeCakes:

i mean... it's like a f'n christmas miracle.

added to

*the bad-ass xmas playlist*

luvs it*

pah! happy ho-ho-holidays

Send your own ElfYourself eCards




misses you already.

don't worry luvies,

i'm reading twilight as fast as i can!

(it's so good tho, i hate rushing it!)

i have a few goodies for you tho...

christmas cheer
teehee, luvs*

last minute shopping
who doesn't like a lil "express" shopping?

Winter Sale! Get 40% off Sweaters, Shirts & Pants! Shop in-store or online December 17-21 and get $15 off every $60 you spend. Online Promo Code: 4570

holidays on the Sunset Strip
one of the best shows ever, dammit dumb america for not getting smart humour...

firefly luvs*
who doesn't want some magic, glowy buggies for xmas?

visit *Catching Fireflies* for some wonderful, funky & inde gifties!

childlike, but not childish
the best qualities of both men, and online shops...

i bought so many gifts on this awesome site this year. use coupon code GIFT for 5% off

not without coups, baby
dane knows... do u?

go to retailmenot.com before you check out an any onilne store. millions of coupons for everywhere!

last but not least...

Mickey's Christmas Carol 
& other Mickey Christmas Cartoons.
 this... was.. my... FAVOURITE.. thing... ever... 
(i need the dot dot dots for emphasis. i've been looking for this forever. fooooorever)

& remember...

luvs it*



this is my 180th post.
i now have 61 followers.
i'm taking a ::short:: break.
WHAT?! WHY!??!?!
for all of you who read Twilight, you'll understand... i'm within the last 200 pages of Breaking Dawn & i'm finding it harder & harder to put down. i'm so anxious to know how it ends that, honestly, i don't really want to do anything else until it's over.

it shouldn't take me very long, i can read pretty fast when i'm into it. but, in case life goes & fucks this up for me, i wanted you all to know, i'll be back, very soon, with another goal under my belt, ready to switch gears.
i'll miss you. try not to cry.
(haha, watch i finish it tonight, how dramatic am i?! hahahah)
but Spanky, what the hell are we going to do if you're not here blogging?!?!

don't do that, you sillies!
well, i'm glad you asked! If you haven't yet... then read this post about my massive giveaway! (it's the mom of all giveaways.. on this blog, so far, anyway!). & IF you haven't, what the hell are you waiting for? it's for a basket of awesome free stuff, helllloooooo!?

Of course, you can go visit the Bffer Nugg, JenBunny over at NovelistaBarista, but you have to promise to come back. She's a better blogger than me, don't let her suck you in & take you away from me.

You can go to bug AmeCakes over at ListeningAround & tell her that her (few) posts are bang'n. Maybe if we all bother the shit out of her, she'll start writting again!

of course always visit some of my other bloggie luvlies:

if you're kinda sad & in the mood for some poetic justice... visit "B" at Stars Like Little Fish. She makes me kinda happy sad. but i luv her writing. 

visit Ryan at ETC., ETC., ETC. - Spanky's original duck like quack*. He has some wonderful insights on the best of all random subjects. (plus, of course, he's a hottie duck like quack! haha ::don't blush ryan!::)

 get some advice from Miss Mercedes at How to Really Hold on to the Man of your Dreams! She's good... oh, she's good... (& she's pretty f'n Ramdiculous too! hey-ohhh!)

think about it with Ambar at Ambar's Thoughts. She's one hell of a chick & always has a shit ton to say about anything!

take a bite of the Irishy goodness with Conor from Pizza Box. A member of the newly formed "irish gang" (members include me, Spicy Spanky McHaggis - working title, Conor & JenBunny). plus, i mean, he's funny, & he's.. IRISH. (& soon to be another duck in the pond, woooop!)

stay for a sip with Nicole at My Teacups in Peony. her bloggie is just so pretty & fresh. plus, helloooo, she has a new ETSY shoppe!!!! It's called "With Love" & i was awesome enough to purchase a pair of her "holly" earrings (awe, like holly, that dog?) to be gifted in the giveaway! wooop!

get a little sinister with this rough & tough duck, Kris at Rantings of a Bitter Jarhead. (yes, sinister, his most recent post is called "Take your happy-go-lucky motivational speech about rainbows and sunshine and shove it up your ass..."). He's a cheery little quacker, but, don't let him fool you, he's been responsible for some comments that have really perked this little chick-a-dee right up. ::big smiles:: -weird, he also kinda reminds me of one, a few of my ex's... hmm..

last, but not least, one of my first bloggie babes, Elise at Without Rhyme or Reason. She's "so lovely" & always has the nicest things to say to me. I swear, this chick could be my sistah! Plus, she drops in tid-bits of her temporary life in Ireland that make me so jeal!!!

well, there you have it peepers. i'll see you soon. i luv u all. i hope everyone makes some more friends through this. i also hope that i finish this book soon, i'm dying to know the end. i'll also be joining you all again on my *new computer*.

luvs u all, luvs ur faces...

luvs it*
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