diary of a manic obsessive.


say whaaa?!

i did NOT see that coming...
Houdini called me... like an hour & a half ago.
[in the dark? original post here, catch up then come back!!! please?] 
the two things he said that were so typical:
"i was reaaaally drunk" - ya, i know, cop out central, but i've been there before, so, i guess i'll take that & cash it.
"my ride was out the door & i couldn't find you" - well, i mean, i was basically in the same two spots the entire night; kitchen or garage... other than the 5 mins i was in the bathroom. so...

my misunderstanding:
it wasn't until about 30 mins into our conversation (which lasted an hour...) that i realized his text:
[was good seeing you but i think i'm donzo. peace out kiddo]
was NOT meant to be what i read it as.
-boys, take note...
when i saw that [after a day of drinking, yes] i took it as
"look.. i'm over it, i'm over you, i'm done with this. it was nice to see you, but nothing is happening with us"
what he MEANT was
"i'm glad that i got to see you, but i'm really drunk & i need to go to sleep. hope to see you soon"... 
ya, my bad, sorry guys, i guess i may have done a typical chick thing... at least i read it & was like "ok, whatever, peace" & i didn't explode, yell & flip any tables, jersey style... right?


::neeeeerrrrrrrrrrr kaboooooom!::
"i didn't want to admit it, even to myself, but i realize that i like you a lot more than i thought... i really like you."
honestly, i feel a lil bad writing about this. i feel like, if it were reversed, i'd be real hurt if someone that i'd just admitted to liking, was writing about me on the internet...
shit. am i total bitch for this? [i removed parts of the original post, fyi]
anyway. it's getting really late & i have work in the am [ugh.] & a long commute bc i'm crashing on JenBunny's very comfortable pull out couch. [haha].
Houdini [i guess i'll have to change the name... maybe Conundrum?] ends up telling me that he'll be home next weekend & wants to take me out on a real, one on one dinner date. He understands that nothing is going to become of it, but he said that he wants to be able to sit down & enjoy some time together... so, maybe i'll do that.
[is that a bad idea?]
i wish that i'd recorded our convo, but i guess that would be REAL nuts. i only wish so that i could reiterate.
at first, i let him have it. i told him that i thought it was bullshit that he peaced, bullshit that he sent me that text (which, i now understand the context of), & told him that he needed to chill out bc i wasn't looking for commitment & he knows he can't either, so he needs to stop even considering it & just let shit go, so we can hang out, have fun & whatever.
at one point, he kinda said "i've had this conversation before, but it was the other way around"
- was he saying that i was acting like a dude? pah. well shit...
so, i guess we'll see, but i'll tell you one thing... shit could get hella weird within the next week or two because i'm still hoping to see my new duck, who happens to be one of Houdini's friends. [whoops?]

*fun fact: they are both friends with a few guys i've hooked up with over the years, including ex fame duck, Lannon... they also both are very aware that Lan was "my first" in high school.
**funner fact: i texted ex fame duck today, asking for advice about Cinnamon Duck, because i know they're friends... he said
[He's the man... did you guys eff?]
pah! o man. i luvs that i can ask him that shit. & no, we did not "eff". ha!

i don't know, i guess i'll see how it all unfolds. i'll tell you one thing, my luvs, i'm kinda annoyed at the way the world goes. why is it that everything is absolutely stagnant for months, sometimes, then all of a sudden... too much at once? i'm not a juggler. it's not one of my skills...
geez. i guess i really need to get my ducks in a row!


luvs it*


  1. oh dang- what kind of message is that?! Who the hell says that, without re-reading it. hello- everyone knows you say nothing that can incriminate you later on while you are drinking or recovering from a drinking binge. Duh. :)

  2. ugh. when i told him how it came off he was like "WHAT?? NO!!! Why would i be done with you?" & i said
    "hello, welcome to my angry confusion."


  3. I have mis interpreted texts before thats why I kinds hate texts sometimes, glad you cleared it up and yes I agre there can be a time with no action then all of the sudden you have them come at you from all directions ahahah! Get thoose ducks in a row girly!! :)


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