diary of a manic obsessive.


home sweet future home...

I flew to Cali on Wednesday, May 19th, to find a place for Trav & I to live.

I've been here a few days & in that time, we saw three awesome apartments that we can't afford & a room for rent that we can... that was fucking awful... in a tiny ass place with a married couple... & their screaming 1 year old.... in a shitty naighbourhood... in a crappy area.... kinda close to Compton... NO THANK YOU!

Then, we saw some more shitty complexes in relatively terrifying areas... then we saw two other really nice ones, that we can't afford....
sound frustrating? ya...

exhausted, tired, & on the verge of tears, we came back to the apartment we've been crashing at, to find a Craigs list listing of a room for rent in the SAME COMPLEX!!!

This morning, we walked the 20 seconds to the other apartment to be greated by a nice guy (matt?), his girlfriend Jennifer & an adorable 3 month old Huskey pup (Grays? Graves? i'll get it eventually).
The room is sunny, big enough for us, with a mirrored wall of closets (holla). $700/month (split between the two of us, $350) with an additional $30 utilities. (cable & internet will probably take it to MAYBE $75?

I'm happy to announce that, on the first of June, Travis will be packing up his things & moving over to the new place. I'll be back on the road again (eek!) on June 4th & will be driving across the states again... (double eek!) ALONE (EEEEKKK!!!) to join him, in our new place, by June 10th.
I'm freaking out.

honestly, i'm scared. i'm really, really, really, scared.
What if he & i don't get along? What if i can't find a job? What if i don't make any friends? What if i hate everything? What am i going to do without my girls? I'll miss AmeCakes & JenBunny so much it'll kill me.

No, i have to embrace this new life. I have to make moves, literally, & take it as it comes.
I just hope that we aren't making a mistake. This is completely the wrong way to move in with someone, i know, WE know that. I don't want to suffocate him, but i don't want to feel isolated, either. I'm scared that we were so caught up in the whirl-wind of us even getting together, that we rushed it.

[we haven't even said the "L" word yet...]

i do know one thing. i can't wait to be done stressing, done packing, done thinking about what i need to do next. i can't wait to get SOMEWHERE & just... BE.
I want to get back into a routine. i want to be able to find a job, that i actually like, write on my beluved & missed bloggy.

i can't wait to get back to my own little reality. I miss you all so much. i have no idea what's been going on with anyone & it makes me feel awful!

i can't wait to tell you all about everything. maybe i should do a time line post to just get the basic facts about my drive & what's been going on?

a quick few tid-bits of my last days in Cali:
-went to P.F. Changs. Had amazing Crab Wontons. I'm a fan.
-went to the Cheesecake Factory. Had phenom "Crispy Artichoke Hearts" with a Lemon-Garlic dipping sauce, edamame, "Bistro Shrimp Pasta" [Crispy Battered Shrimp, Fresh Mushrooms, Tomato and Arugula Tossed with Spaghettini and a Basil-Garlic-Lemon Cream Sauce.] & "Wild Blueberry White Chocolate Cheesecake", all washed down with Strawberry Martini [made with Pearl Vodka infused fresh Strawberries..]...
i know... right? holy SHIT.
-Saw "Date Night" with Steve Carrell & Tina Fey. laughed my pants off!
-Went in the hot tub last night w/ Bazinga-face. it was too hot, but i liked it.
-Watched "The Men Who Stare at Goats". awesome. just freak'n awesome movie. i really wanna watch it with my dad before i leave home. he'll luv it.

i luvs u all so much. thank you for sticking with me.

luvs it*


tik... tok....

unemployment hearing in 5...4....3....2.....

i'm freak'n out!!!


short nails

how is it possible that there is so much to do?

i've been sitting on my ass for days (with the exception  of going to Bamboozle on Sunday with AmeCakes), on the computer, listing things for sale, e-mailing with potential buyers (selling my beloved Cabrio), comparing prices, looking for apartments, looking for jobs, looking for my mind!

my nails keep breaking: sign of stress.
the ones that don't break are peeling, which means, i bite them. ugh.

what do i do? i have no money, but all i want to do is get on a plane & fly to Cali to see him.

he's become my muse. He tells me i'm his. We write about eachother. it's very Old School. i feel like a couple in courtship. it's cute. we're silly. we're inspired.

i miss him.

i started writing my post about Day 1 of the trip. it's about half done. i'll finish tomorrow. i hope.

i hope you are all still there. don't give up on me. i'm here, i swear, i'm just working on it.

luvs it*
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