***update***

Hoss/Conundrum/Houdini:

well, i haven't heard from him since the other night when he told me he really liked me & wanted to talk to me more & take me out on a "real official date"... lol... so, i guess we'll see?

Cinnamon Duck:

nothing in a few days. poo. Never heard anything about NYE or if he'll be joining us... should i ask? hmm.. maybe i should text him & ask if he wants me to "put him on the list"... or.. maybe i don't & i scope out a NYE duck from fresh... nothing like a bit of hunting when dressed to the 2009's in a bar in NYC, right?

Dingo:

he will not be coming to the states for a visit any time soon. He was going to bc the town house his family has in the states was flooded & he was going to come help his Mum pick up the pieces. She can handle it herself, so he went back to "Oz." yesterday (he was in China for xmas bc his fam relocated durring the time we weren't speaking).

* important to remember about Dingo *

we may have had a past "relationship" & i may have had a bit of a crack in my heart bc of him, but he is first & foremost my friend. one of the best i've ever had. (boys especially). i luv him to death & i wish him well in every way. I would luv to see him & i'd luv to be able to forget everything that happened last year. I'm actually making a point to forgive him for past indescresions & take it as a "sign" that we are NOT meant to be anything more than friends. To be perfectly frankie, i think i was pushing the feelings on myself. he's a great guy, but he'd drive me nuts if we were together, much like he did for our short lived relationship in high school. i love (there's that real "l" word again) him soo much & can't wait to see him again, someday. He is, was, [hopefully] won't always be, confused, but i want to make sure that he knows that i'll always have mad luv for him. He shouldn't have to be confused about me. I want to be a solid thing for him.

ANOTHER NEW DUCK?!

wow, i know, i'm either headed for a highway pile up, or will end up very alone & very dissapointed soon.

[confession... about 2 years ago.... i was... on... match.com... -ugh-]

during that time, i talked to a few ducks, but only ended up meeting one at first, Ryan. He's THE shit & he's probably reading this [what up ryyyyyyan!]. We went out a few times, but we didn't end up having that *spark*. HOWEVER, in him, i found one of my very favourite people & we've been friends for a while. We talk often & i think he's fantastic.
but, he's not the new duck. [sorry ry, i'll come up w/ a cute nickname for you... teehee]
I also met a guy who i really liked, a bit of a RedNeck Duck, but we thought it was kinda cute that a RedNeck Duck could be with a Twisted Hippie Chick like me. he ended up being a d-bag duck & never called again once he got the overnight visit on date #4. ick.
but... he's not the new duck either...
The new one is Banks. He was another guy that i'd met on the embarrassing site. We never actually met up, but we facebooked & chatted for a while on IM. eventually, it died down until last month, when i got the cutest little facebook message:

Hey Spanky,
I hope this doesn't seem a bit weird...we spoke a bit on and off i think it was thru match originally and IM. I remember enjoying our conversation and it then died out. I was interested if you wanted to meet up for some drinks at some point or start the conversations again. [there was a comment about my job & how he may know someone intersted in my website.] Anyways, look forward to hearing from you...have a great evening!
-Banks

::teehee::

obvi i wrote him back:

ha! for sure, i remember! not weird at all, how are ya?
i'd love to meet up for drinks. i'm not sure if i'll be able to before the new year, but if not, how's january for you?

hope you are well! :o)

a few IM convo's back & forth & today he texted (yes, i gave him my digits the other night, after a large glass of Pinot & some nice conversation) & asked if i'd join him for dinner on Sat. 

well... remember were i'm supposed to be on Sat? oh ya... dinner w/ Hoss... 

He was a sweetie tho & was absolutely fine with rescheduling until next week. We're set to meet on Wednesday at 8 at some place called Mona Lisa. Hmm.. what to order. 

We'll see, but, like i said before, i should have some interseting events in the near future, & lots more to come for you, i'm sure. 

recap

do i...

-text Cinnamon Duck about NYE, or troll the city for a NYE duck?

-remind Hoss that he was going to take me to dinner on Saturday, or let it lay until/unless he brings it up?

-order the Penne Vodka or the Grilled Lemon Chicken? [am i the lamest for looking at the menu?! haha] 

more to come, i'm sure.

luvs it*

say whaaa?!

 

wow.

i did NOT see that coming...

 

Houdini called me... like an hour & a half ago.

 

[in the dark? original post here, catch up then come back!!! please?] 

the two things he said that were so typical:

"i was reaaaally drunk" - ya, i know, cop out central, but i've been there before, so, i guess i'll take that & cash it.

"my ride was out the door & i couldn't find you" - well, i mean, i was basically in the same two spots the entire night; kitchen or garage... other than the 5 mins i was in the bathroom. so...

my misunderstanding:

it wasn't until about 30 mins into our conversation (which lasted an hour...) that i realized his text:

[was good seeing you but i think i'm donzo. peace out kiddo]

was NOT meant to be what i read it as.

-boys, take note...

when i saw that [after a day of drinking, yes] i took it as

"look.. i'm over it, i'm over you, i'm done with this. it was nice to see you, but nothing is happening with us"

what he MEANT was

"i'm glad that i got to see you, but i'm really drunk & i need to go to sleep. hope to see you soon"... 

ya, my bad, sorry guys, i guess i may have done a typical chick thing... at least i read it & was like "ok, whatever, peace" & i didn't explode, yell & flip any tables, jersey style... right?

then...

::neeeeerrrrrrrrrrr kaboooooom!::
 

"i didn't want to admit it, even to myself, but i realize that i like you a lot more than i thought... i really like you."

whaaaa!?

 
honestly, i feel a lil bad writing about this. i feel like, if it were reversed, i'd be real hurt if someone that i'd just admitted to liking, was writing about me on the internet...
shit. am i total bitch for this? [i removed parts of the original post, fyi]
 
anyway. it's getting really late & i have work in the am [ugh.] & a long commute bc i'm crashing on JenBunny's very comfortable pull out couch. [haha].
 
Houdini [i guess i'll have to change the name... maybe Conundrum?] ends up telling me that he'll be home next weekend & wants to take me out on a real, one on one dinner date. He understands that nothing is going to become of it, but he said that he wants to be able to sit down & enjoy some time together... so, maybe i'll do that.

[is that a bad idea?]

i wish that i'd recorded our convo, but i guess that would be REAL nuts. i only wish so that i could reiterate.
at first, i let him have it. i told him that i thought it was bullshit that he peaced, bullshit that he sent me that text (which, i now understand the context of), & told him that he needed to chill out bc i wasn't looking for commitment & he knows he can't either, so he needs to stop even considering it & just let shit go, so we can hang out, have fun & whatever.
at one point, he kinda said "i've had this conversation before, but it was the other way around"

- was he saying that i was acting like a dude? pah. well shit...

so, i guess we'll see, but i'll tell you one thing... shit could get hella weird within the next week or two because i'm still hoping to see my new duck, who happens to be one of Houdini's friends. [whoops?]
 

*fun fact: they are both friends with a few guys i've hooked up with over the years, including ex fame duck, Lannon... they also both are very aware that Lan was "my first" in high school.

**funner fact: i texted ex fame duck today, asking for advice about Cinnamon Duck, because i know they're friends... he said

[He's the man... did you guys eff?]

pah! o man. i luvs that i can ask him that shit. & no, we did not "eff". ha!

 
i don't know, i guess i'll see how it all unfolds. i'll tell you one thing, my luvs, i'm kinda annoyed at the way the world goes. why is it that everything is absolutely stagnant for months, sometimes, then all of a sudden... too much at once? i'm not a juggler. it's not one of my skills...
 

geez. i guess i really need to get my ducks in a row!

 

 

luvs it*

duck. duck. duck. duck. goose.*

i guess that usually "goose" would be "it"... in this case, "goose" is gunna be the opposite. Goose is gunna be "you are NOT it & i know that"...

went out w/ JenBunny last night (shock!). we went to the local watering whole to pre-game a bit & then hit up a mutual friends house party.
the place was packed. like sardines, there were a shit-ton of little mini drunkies, younger than JenBunny & I. the one kool thing about the younger kids was that JenBunny's broseph showed up. (i introduced myself to his friend as his "sister by association" - he seemed to get it.)

i was texting with Hoss, the Long Distance Duck  

(no, his name isn't actually Hoss, more on that to folllow.)

& he had been saying that he was looking forward to hanging out with me...

this is the one that i had seen at the house party after the reunion last month. the one that was making out w/ me & i'd said i'm kinda over it... (to you all, not to him... whoops)

sidebar:

Hoss's Appeal:

• he's funny. (i know, i'm so typical)
• he's tall & skinny, ( i have a history of going to the tall lanky ones...)
• he's good at Beruit (aka Beer Pong to all you sillies)
• he gave me a cute nickname... "Smalls" bc i'm short & also because The Sandlot is one of the best movies ever. (i've been trying to come up with a nickname for him forever. Smalls came so easily for him when coming up with mine, but he was harder. i tried on a few; Stretch, Roach, Romeo, even Cocky-Mother-Fucker was an option. due to his last name, which i'll keep out of publication, i went with Hoss. but no, he's not like a red neck in overalls - sorry to anyone named Hoss that i may have offended!)
  
• he doesn't live around here (terrible, but that means i can see him when he's visiting his 'rents, but not all the time - wow, i'm like... a dude...)
• he has a funny laugh (he literally giggles like a little girl... it's weird, but i like weird laughs. i'm drawn to them because they make ME laugh... remember, that Bartender i was in lust with for two years? He laughs like Santa... seriously, it's glorious. Christmas Cheer all year round. too bad he didn't deliver.)
• he'll text me for daaaays. (literally, one day we texted back & forth from like 11am to 7pm. just about bullshit. i like that.)
  

Hoss's Faults:

• NOTE: I REMOVED SOME BITS OF THIS POST  BECAUSE, AFTER SPEAKING WITH HIM, I REALIZED THAT SOME OF THE THINGS I SAID WERE FLAMED UP BY ANNOYANCE & ANGER. I WAS WRONG FOR BEING RUDE TOWARD HIM & AFTER SECOND THOUGHT, SOME POINTS NEEDED TO BE REMOVED. FOR THE REST OF THE STORY. PLEASE READ HERE.
• he's confusing. i'm just not really sure what he wants from me, but i think that might be because he isn't sure either. so, i guess i can't blame him...
  
• he gives me shit for smoking, but then, when i'm with him, he makes it seem like he's being a god damn saint, doing me a favour, sacrificing himself, to kiss me... which he said once was "like licking an ashtray"... thanks man. 'preciate it...)
  
• he leaves. he picks up & disappears. he vanishes. he'll be there one moment, then, he's gone. (now, i don't know, because i haven't hung out with him TOO many times, but the times that i have, recently, he literally will just be gone.) this fault gave him his new nickname.

he says he's stoked to see me. i get to the party & i have texts from Hoss, asking me to come & get him.
[nah. can't, sorry, i'm w/ JenBunny... figure it out. see ya there.]
He shows up, soaking wet from the rain & comes up to me in the middle of the crowded kitchen, grabs me around my waist & kisses me.
-well, i guess everyone knows something's going on now... geez... (yes, i know, most girls would be elated that a guy they were mearly "talking to" would put a big 'ole PDA stamp on things, but... eh... i wasn't looking to commit to a make out buddy yet..)


We talk for a little bit, but we don't really have much to say to eachother. i'm just trying to say anything to get him to not throw me on the kitchen counter.
la, la, la... the night goes on, but i end up talking to a few other people, some of which were; a guy i've known since middle school, a wonderfully classy, sweet guy who i realized, in high school, is my distant cousin (luvs him), a chick who's younger that i used to work with, a chick who's younger that i've partied with a few times (who was shitcanned), a good friend ex-fling duck who was flirting w/ JenBunny, the Host Duck, Host Ducks ma & pa & sis piece & a new duck.

Cinnamon Duck
(name subject to change)
i went to school w/ Cinnamon Duck, but we discussed how we don't think that we have ever spoken. I totally know who he is, & from what i've heard, he's legit. i've never heard an ill word about him. We start chatting & after a while, i realize that this non-smoking duck has been out in the cold garage, in just a tee, with me for over an hour. what a sweetie, but i hope he doesn't get pnemonia...
I barely can recall what we talked about, but i know at one point we stumbled across a deck of Tarot cards & tried to read eachothers fortunes. [pah!]
With the fear that all brewskis were either empty or wounded, my new duck went on a hunt for something with kick... o boy, he found it.... Cinnamon Whiskey... (ahh, it's all coming together now).Since i'm getting over a cold, & i'm not a Cowboy, i tried not to take a big, manly swig, i tried to be slick with a dainty sip. FAIL, i spilled Cinnamon Whiskey all over my cheek & chin & it dripped down my neck & my chest (no, not hot, not even a little bit). but, he laughed & didn't mock me... too much.

long story [kinda] short... we had fun talking the rest of the night & exchanged numbers. JenBunny & her balla self did me a solid (without me even having to imply!) & asked him his NYE plans. She invited him to join us (what an awesome bffer, eh?) He said he'd call me to discuss. At one point, we came up with a great invention & said we were going to become billionaires together. (oh yes, there is a contract...)

We left, JenBunny drove me home & about 20 mins later, i had a text :o)
we texted back & forth for a bit & in the am, i had another saying he'd fallen asleep.

i luvs meeting new people, especially new old people that i always "knew" but never really "met".

Hoss, on the other hand, had texted me from the other room of the party telling me he was going to leave. i'd gone back to say bye & he was gone (shock..). Then, his dumb ass texts me:
 

[was good seein ya but i think im donzo, peace out kiddo]

 

whaaaa? what the hell does that mean? (which, actually was what i texted him back, with no answer still).

whatever man. u do what u want, but i hope you realize, your new nickname is Houdini, not affectionately.

*new duck* = awesome.

Houdini = lame. ur not a duck, you're a goose.

overall night experience = priceless!

 

luvs it*