last years goals, book worm exchange, & a few other things

The names have been drawn for the 2010 (which i now realize should have been called 2011) blogger book worm 'ganza gift exchange.
if you're signed up for the exchange, please make sure to go & check your draw!

last year, JenBunny posted a bunch of other bloggers goals on her blog. She posted mine, too!
here they are:

1. allow myself time to expand on my skills & creativity
2. live a cleaner life & purge all the clutter
3. maintain my weight
4. be presentable (stop looking like a slob)
5. take my blog to another level

i went back & took a look to see if i held up my word to myself.
at first look, i was surprised that i had been so.... vague? but, thinking about it, i think that i did... most?

1. i have def expanded my skills & creativity. this year i realized that i have many other creative skills than i thought. my etsy shop, twitterpated pretty went from being a "sometimes" hobby, to an everyday obsession that pulled in some pretty good cash!

2. Since i moved from CT to CA, i had to pack all my things into my car, sooo... i'd DEF say that i purged the initial clutter... but... i seem to have a really bad habit of accumulating more. I will make a point to continue with this goal & make sure my new home doesn't end up as cluttered as my old room did. [this will def mean i have to do some "spring" cleaning already!]

3. This one i'll give myself a pat on the back for. This time last year i had dropped about 30lbs from my start weight & was getting closer to my goal weight. In the first few months of 2010 i lost the rest of the weight i wanted to lose & have maintained it! I've lost over 50lbs since my initial start & have been successfully steady at my current weight for over 8 months now! hoooorah!

4. i'm not sure if i've reached this goal. i have a nicer wardrobe, but, most of the time, since i don't have a job, i spend at home, usually in pjs or shorts & a tank. i don't tend to put makeup on if im not going out & my hair, especially since cutting it short, is usually just in a pony tail... i guess i'd say that at home, or the grocery store, or to get the mail... ya, i'm still a slob. Going out, on the rare occasion, i dress up NIIIICE! hahaha

5. well, i took it to another level, just not one that was higher than the last years level. The blog world has gotten away from me in the 2nd half of this year, well, more like the last 3/4 of this year. so, i guess.... for all intents & purposes... i failed this goal... :(


i DID reach my reading goal. i read 16 books this year, which is the most, in one year, i've ever read. that, to me, is awesome, & i'm suuuuper proud of myself. :)

i fly to CT tomorrow. i'm so stoked. Bazinga isnt coming with me, so i'm sad about that, but i can't wait to see my fam & friends!!!

luvs it*

rock bottom.

can this just be rock bottom?

can we all just let this be the low point?

i'm so embarrassed...

my car was repossessed...

we got so behind a few months ago when bazinga got sick, then roomie was robbed & i had to cover his 'scripts & part of her rent & my bills got put to the back burner.
i couldn't make payments on time & they took my car.

i can't believe it.

sometimes i feel like i can barely breath.

i luv it here & i luv the possibilities that this home has, but what else can possibly happen?

i'm going home for 2 weeks. i leave Jan 3rd. I just hope, hope, hope that i can come back with a rejuvenated spirit & can pick myself up, brush myself off, & make this life work.

i don't need bright, shiny things, i just want a bright, shiny happiness to fill our little home.

just, please, let's just let this be rock bottom. my hope can't take much more.

silver lining: i can't wait to see my family, my friends &, maybe even most of all, that dog, little Holly GoLightly pup whom i've missed so much i can't take it.


luvs it*

thank you mom.

we're all thinking about what we are thankful for.

i've become so thankful for my family, especially my mom. her & i have built up such a different, strong relationship since i moved here & i miss her so much.

i'm thankful that she wrote this blog post about me. heehee. she's cute.

i got sad tonight, watching It's Complicated because i saw it with her & my sister & bc Meryl REALLY reminds me of her, esp in this movie. ::tear:: i got a little choked up. no lie.

here's my pretty pretty mommy vintage style

.
&, even though it doesn't really tie into this post, like, at all, these photos just crack me up. (My mommy is the itty bitt!)

My Grandfather, the dapper gentleman in the back, is Paul McCobb, famous furniture designer from the 1950's (even though the Wiki has NOTHING about his wife & children... rude). The other doode is my mom's half brosi, Paul Jr. & the gorg-a-saurus is my Grandma, Molly. I, unfortunately, never got to meet Paul, since he passed when my mother was only 9, & I don't really remember Molly, since she passed when I was about 2.
but look at my itty bitt mommy pie!!!

eeeee, hahahahh!!!!!! She's sooooo cuteee!!!

I luv it when she tells me stories, like the time she wanted to watch The Wizard of Oz, even though she was realllly scared of the flying monkeys, & she'd run down the mirrored hallway from her parents room to the living room, basically just to tell her mom that she was scared, get in trouble, & RUN back to the room to keep watching, all to turn around & do it again. I don't know why, but i have a vivid idea, in my head, about what this whole saga looked like. i'm giggling just thinking about it.
I like the story about how she'd climb up the built in shelves to get things that she wasn't supposed to have & how 1/4 of her eye is green, while the other 3/4 is blue, because she sprayed some cleaner in her eye when she was little & didn't tell bc she didn't want to get yelled at.

Since i've been living in Cali, i've been talking to Ma basically every day, at least once. She has, on a few occasions, to her dismay sometimes, been my talking buddy while i wonder around the grocery store asking "what should i make for dinner" or "where are olives" (yes, i asked her where the olives were in the grocery store on the other side of the states, where she's never been, were). We've talked about how our lives have turned into a weird parallel of each other, both ending up as the "woman of the house" living with a [sometimes] "Grumpy Spouse" (moms words) & an "Irresponsible 19-year-old". it's def weird that we are both the one cleaning up around the house, cooking dinner, being housewives while looking for jobs, making art, blogging, & having our etsy shops.

i miss my mom so much. 

i hate that it took a 3,000 mile distance to make us closer, but i'm glad that we are.

i need to go home for a visit.

i need a mom hug.

everyone go & read my moms blog. she's just getting back into it. her & my sister & dad all moved about a month after i did (but they moved one town over, not three time zones..) & she's been trying to get their new apartment in order, so she, like me, is just getting back into the blog-o-sphere.

so, i'm hoping that my mom will be Skyping me in, so i can "pseudo"-sit at the Thanksgiving Dinner Table.

i hope that she's thankful that i wrote this.

this Thanksgiving, i'm thankful for my family, whom i love & miss & hope i can see for Christmas, & i'm so very thankful of the relationship that i have with my mommy. 

i can't even think about how much i am thankful for my puppy, Holly. Honestly, just thinking about her at all makes me burst into tears because i miss her so much.

[posted this pic & legit, started to cry... i knew it.. ]

who are you thankful for?

luvs it*

the desperate quest.

I need to find odd jobs or something.
I need to go home for Christmas & it's INSANE how pricey it would be for us to go.
I'd need a good, $1,300 minimum to make it work. That's before even thinking about buying any gifts!

I've been hoping to sell my items on my etsy shop, Twitterpated Pretty, my prints on Red Bubble, i'm even trying to get my sister to help me sell my books & some other things that i left back in CT to try to make some extra dough.

on that note:
Has anyone ever been a mystery shopper? I don't know how it works, but i know it's like, a thing.

JenBunny mentioned that there are blogs that will pay you to do product reviews. How do i get into that?

If anyone knows of any places to find freelance work, or venues to sell hand made work, or prints of my art, please let me know.
Also, if anyone wants to HIRE me for some freelance design work, or writing work, please let me know. I'm desperately trying to earn enough moolah to fly home to see my family & friends for christmas.

(of course, feel free to donate to the cause! hahaha or, ask me about advertising, if you'd like!)

i miss my family.

because i don't like to end on a sad note...

silver lining: i have new wish bracelets available on the etsy shop, & i believe that JenBunny (NovelistaBarista.com) will be hosting a giveaway for one of them soon!!!

luvs it*

o for fucks sake.

well, i'm back. i'm glad to be home, but i sure as hell miss the simplicity of being somewhere other than home.

it was really nice to have someone else's shit to keep track of. it forced me to forget my own.

now i'm back & so is it.

School is going terribly. I'm completely failing my sketching course. I haven't even done any work on it in weeks. I'm trying to drop out of it, but no one at the damn school will get back to me.
My other one is ok, but it's just, not something that I'm excited about. at all. which is weird, bc who isn't excited to learn about Fashion? (i guess... me?)

(i feel so trapped.)

The only things that excite me are writing on my blog... looking at photographs... & day dreaming about a better life. (woah... that was depressing).

I need to get out of here. I need to meet new people. I met wonderful people in Georgia. All of the other bridesmaids are some of my favourite people in the world now. but, of course, they live on the bottom of the damn country... so i'll never get to see them.

::tear::

I feel like everything is a test, everything is complicated, everything is unnecessary... nothing is... real... or maybe it's too real.

this can't be life. it just can't be. 

I don't know what to do. I need some damn direction. I need some damn inspiration. I need some damn exiliration.

i need...

a life. 

Advice? Help? Motivation? Anything?

not so much in the "luvs it" mood... (& i'm usually so chipper)

while making the photos for this post, my mother informed me that we they (THEY) are moving in January... i guess that means that this little birdie is getting a violent shove out the nest.... who the fuck knows where i'll end up. shit.

this post just progressed down a dark, dark path.

i'm sorry luvs. i'm just in a shit-tastic place today...