diary of a manic obsessive.


welcome to my rut.

hi friends,

i'm sorry i haven't been here to tell you funny stories, link you to great pop culture, or drool to you over hot celebu-docks.
i've been in a bit of a rut...

i feel i may need to restructure the way i do things here on *sli*.

i had a rude awakening when a certain person read a post which i never expected they would... now i feel a bit exposed, uncomfortably volnerable, & more than a little terrible for broadcasting my feelings before i had been able to work them out to myself & this person.

i guess i never really thought much about my real world life & my blog life would collide. i don't know why i never really thought about it, since we all know i'm a shameless self promoter.

the sad realization is, i'll have to cut back in one way or another. i can't continue to scream my blog URL from the rooftops & paint it in the sky while writing things that i may not want anyone within earshot to read.
So, what gives?
i feel like i'm stuck in an impossible catch 22.
do i keep up the promotion, hoping to gain solid & large fan base of followers, hoping to one day, be able to sustain a life off my writing... but suffer from not being able to write whatever is on my mind, or, do i write my heart out, but stop the promotion & risk disappearing into the blogosphere of the forgotten?

i'm being dramatic.
it did hit me a lot harder than i thought it might.

new topic.
my rollercoaster recently:

pit: after the driver re-training issue (being stuck in traffic so bad that i missed the first class & had to try again), i'm now without a drivers license for two weeks.
peak: i bought some sick new denim leggings
pit/peak: i dyed my hair... it's too blonde... it will look better once the roots grow in a little bit, but right now it's kinda ridiculous. i'm hoping that it'll grow out into a kinda Taylor Momsen thing. to go with my new taylor momsen wardrobe (actively being built).

haha, yes, i take pics of my outfits sometimes... shh!

i'm just in that same rut. it's not a new one.
some of the bits & pieces, nuts & bolts might be different, but overall, it's the same. it's all the same shit that drives me nuts, drives me to drink, drives me to... not be allowed to drive...
the truth is, my bloggie babes, for the most part, i'm in la-la-land limbo. i'm scratching at the surface & i can almost make out the smell of the fresh air that awaits me on the other side, but i just haven't figured out how to get my footing right in order to climb out of this hole & run through the freedom field.
part of me thinks that the answer lies within a great deal of patience, sometimes, i think the only real answer would be in a spontaneous move.
in my typical fashion, i can't figure out which answer is right, so i stand stagnant... not having made any choices & still...
pretty damn
advice is beyond welcome, but if you only have a few moments, i'd much rather that you, my luvs, submit your wish to me [spankyluvsit@gmail.com] so that i have something i can concentrate on that doesn't revolve around me & my personal shit. let me post your wishes, let me know what it is that YOU desire.
thanks dolls,
luvs it*


  1. Oh dude. Awkward. I'm so freaked out about people finding out what I write about on the blog that I've changed all names, even my own! I'd be mortified if anyone that knew me knew what I wrote, especially if it is about them.

    Anyway. You might have already seen this site, but I came across it today and there's heaps of really interesting like articles about getting back into things, being happy, all that kind of thing. http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2VeCv9/www.highexistence.com/life-secrets-and-tips/
    Check it out!

  2. thank you sweetie. i'll check it out soon.

    i guess i have to scale it back.
    i just need to find some footing, get a good grip & build up my upper arm strength to be able to pull myself out.

    luvs u. thank you & all my other luvs for the support & good vibes.

  3. I think most bloggers come to a point were they ask themselves the same thing you just asked yourself. Prmote and be less honest of be honest and be private? I struggle with it too, and I feel like I end up being boring because I cant write things I want to. I hope youa re able to get back on track soon and figure out what you want to do :) I love your blog either way and I have missed your stories...Oh and you look amazing in your pics! I love your hair! :)


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