welcome to my rut.

hi friends,

i'm sorry i haven't been here to tell you funny stories, link you to great pop culture, or drool to you over hot celebu-docks.
i've been in a bit of a rut...

i feel i may need to restructure the way i do things here on *sli*.

i had a rude awakening when a certain person read a post which i never expected they would... now i feel a bit exposed, uncomfortably volnerable, & more than a little terrible for broadcasting my feelings before i had been able to work them out to myself & this person.

i guess i never really thought much about my real world life & my blog life would collide. i don't know why i never really thought about it, since we all know i'm a shameless self promoter.

the sad realization is, i'll have to cut back in one way or another. i can't continue to scream my blog URL from the rooftops & paint it in the sky while writing things that i may not want anyone within earshot to read.
So, what gives?
i feel like i'm stuck in an impossible catch 22.
do i keep up the promotion, hoping to gain solid & large fan base of followers, hoping to one day, be able to sustain a life off my writing... but suffer from not being able to write whatever is on my mind, or, do i write my heart out, but stop the promotion & risk disappearing into the blogosphere of the forgotten?

i'm being dramatic.

it did hit me a lot harder than i thought it might.

new topic.

my rollercoaster recently:

pit: after the driver re-training issue (being stuck in traffic so bad that i missed the first class & had to try again), i'm now without a drivers license for two weeks.
peak: i bought some sick new denim leggings
pit/peak: i dyed my hair... it's too blonde... it will look better once the roots grow in a little bit, but right now it's kinda ridiculous. i'm hoping that it'll grow out into a kinda Taylor Momsen thing. to go with my new taylor momsen wardrobe (actively being built).

 

haha, yes, i take pics of my outfits sometimes... shh!

i'm just in that same rut. it's not a new one.

some of the bits & pieces, nuts & bolts might be different, but overall, it's the same. it's all the same shit that drives me nuts, drives me to drink, drives me to... not be allowed to drive...

the truth is, my bloggie babes, for the most part, i'm in la-la-land limbo. i'm scratching at the surface & i can almost make out the smell of the fresh air that awaits me on the other side, but i just haven't figured out how to get my footing right in order to climb out of this hole & run through the freedom field.

part of me thinks that the answer lies within a great deal of patience, sometimes, i think the only real answer would be in a spontaneous move.

in my typical fashion, i can't figure out which answer is right, so i stand stagnant... not having made any choices & still...

pretty damn

stuck.

 

advice is beyond welcome, but if you only have a few moments, i'd much rather that you, my luvs, submit your wish to me [spankyluvsit@gmail.com] so that i have something i can concentrate on that doesn't revolve around me & my personal shit. let me post your wishes, let me know what it is that YOU desire.

thanks dolls,

luvs it*

hands up, scream.

personally, i don't care for Rollercoasters. This may make me seem a little like a hypocryte, how can you not like something you don't have much experience in???, ok, i see that. Then, what i'll say is:

"personally i don't care much to KNOW about Rollercoasters." 

My relationship with Rollercoasters was... well, a one night stand. (an "ONS" in SpankySpeak)

i was nervous, but a little excited. i def wanted to make sure i had protection, it was a bit of a bumpy ride, i didn't really find my rhythm, it was shorter than i'd expected, (i whacked my head on the "head board") & i left feeling dizzy, nauseous & a bit grossed out. the last thing that i wanted to do, was go stand on line to have another.

(photo credit to taranoel on flikr.com)
Metaphoric Rollercoasters aren't much better, but lately, that's what my life has been. a god-damn, up & down, makes me get the spins just thinking about it, wild ride that has been both exhilarating & down right fuck'n awful. (wah, wah, wah...)

i've been trying to write this post for days... maybe weeks.
i basically wanted to catch everyone up on everything that has been happening, & (of course) other things keep jumping right in the way of being able to actually sit, tune out, and type.

in a true unavailable, Spanky manner, i'll give you a tid bit and make a promise (that i hope to keep) to fill in the holes later.

i'll say one thing first, my head has been fluttering with ideas. i have a notebook next to me, as i type, on my desk at work that has SO many awesome ideas for posts, give aways, surveys, guest spot ideas, etc. & all that i need to do now is figure out a master plan to attack it all.

superfast over view of my rollercoaster life's peaks and pits:

peak-Wedding in GA was awesome. i fell in luv with all the girls from the wedding party & was so happy to spend time with Michelle, it was like we hadn't spent 5 mins apart, let alone basically 13 years!

my pre-wedding roomies, they are so cute. ::tear::

pit- Thinking that i met a nice guy that could be a future contact/friend on the plane, who ended up texting me to see if i'd come visit him in Jacksonville... can't you just be friends/professional contacts with people? annoying
peak- NOT falling at the wedding, like at all!
pit- NOT meeting any hotties... garrr
peak- swimming in the hotel fountain after the rehersal dinner, night before the Wedding
pit- forgetting to hang up my dress, so it flew home in a wet lump in a plastic bag in my suitcase.
peak- getting over my fear of flying (at least i think)
pit- being so fucking tired & hungover that i had no energy to care that i was about to fly.

post GA:

peak- NOT gaining back all the weight that i lost by frequenting Sonic in GA (tots are irresistable!)
pit- not making the weight goal i set myself by my 5 year HS reunion
peak- snagging myself a gorg-tastic duck at the bar (whom i know from elementary school through now - not a random) and spending the night with him - the night before thanksgiving. waking up next to him was DEF something to be thankful for!!! (i think i'm still sweating from that one. nice)
pit- having my sister pick me up at his dads apartment at 9:30am & seeing that i look like a TOTAL lagoon creature... NOT cute.
peak- NOT getting reamed out by ma & pa when i strolled in at 10am on Thanksgiving morning in my outfit from the night before.
pit- realizing that they had more on their mind, when they sat me & the sis-piece down at 10am on Thanksgiving morning (pre-eggs and bacon breakfast) to tell us that they are splitting up after 26(?) years of marriage... awesome.

there's been a lot more, including

• a missing cat, a found cat, pulling the cat out of the CHIMNEY & sneezing for days with soot in my eyes & nose...
• a make out session with my ex boyfriend (surprisingly NOT weird. haha)
• partying with friends from way WAY back, people i've never really spoken to, and people who never really cared to talk to me until now.
• 5 year high school reunion (which led to the aforementioned two points)
• Dropped out of school (i know, this could be it's own post blog, but this is supposed to be a quick update...)
• Went to White Plains w/ JenBunny, Cheryl & (local) Michelle (& some boys) & partied at the same bar as on h.ween. found out the h.ween duck's phone number. texted him, he didn't answer. over it. 
• plus side, i borrowed a dress from C & (if i do say so) i looked awesome!

(mb - our buddy that met us there)

WELL: that's most of it. i know that there's a lot more, but i'm getting sick of writing this post!!! here are some photos of me, in all my glory, at the Wedding:
i was going to upload some, but now i'm a Picnik snob, so i need boarders, wordies & goodie on my photos. I just decided to Upgrade, so it's taking forever. I'll be sure to do them ASAP (i swear!!!)

This was the only one i got done before i opted to upgrade (finally)

do u luvs?

thank you all for sticking with me thru my peaks & pits. i luvs u all, more than you can know & even though i'm sad to have to have dropped out of school, i'll have a lot more time to dedicate to my true luv... my bloggie.
There are a lot of fun things on the way, so please don't give up on me!!! i've got one HELL of a give away coming up, more from *The Duck Pond* & some advice like cheep* from a real life chick!

luvs it*